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If you need a tall cactus or massive ruler, today is your lucky day…

8:30 AM EDT on September 13, 2013

First of all, that's the music video for the new Arcade Fire song "Reflektor." I've been watching / listening to the track non-stop for the last few days. It starts kind of slow, but grows and grows and grows into an euphoria that's more addictive than the blue crystal meth. I guess, in an odd way, it's like a gigantic cactus.

Okay, that didn't make any sense at all. I just really wanted to post that video and couldn't think of a way to tie it to anything, so I figured I'd attach it to this post about a person selling huge cacti on Cragislist.

Check it out the cacti:

large cactus ruler

Screw the cactus! How much does the guy want for the Barbarian King's ruler? I'd like to buy it and then just walk around downtown measuring things. Although there's a chance someone would mistake me for Steve Lackmeyer, that would be kind of fun.

Here are some other questions:

1. Why does this person own a gigantic six-foot tall ruler? Is there something we need to know about? Other than measuring cacti, humans and doors, what do you need it for? Does he have other over-sized objects for sale? I could use a 12-foot protractor.

2. Where does he keep the thing? Is it tucked away in his garage next to his magic beans and the goose laying golden eggs. I'd hang it in my front hallway. It would be a great conversation starter:

"Hey Patrick, why did you have the world's largest ruler?"

"I like to measure things, Emily! Would you like another bottle of wine?"

3. Has Serge Ibaka already contacted the seller about buying the ruler? You think he would have.

Anyway, the other funny thing about this listing is the item description:

Two large cactuses - cacti , staghorn type. Almost six feet high. Not winter hardy outside. Needs a house with no kids or pets, as the cacti have sharp needles. NW OKC. 949-XXXX

Wow, cacti have sharp needles? What's next? Are you going to tell me the sky's blue or the Arcade Fire is the greatest band on the planet? Hey, I kind of made it work! What a deal.

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