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The Triumphant Return of Dean the Stream Blevins

8:00 AM EDT on April 1, 2013

Hi everyone! It's Monday, which means it's time for Monday Morning Tweets, and it's April 1st, which means it's the most obnoxious day of the year. If New Year's Eve is Amateur Night for people who drink, April Fool's Day is Amateur Day for people who think they are funny. I tend to just spend the entire day hunkered down by myself trying to have as little human contact as possible. Hey, Frank in HR, there's a reason you work in HR and not as the host of a hilarious hidden-camera show. Please just leave me alone today.

Do that, and read this week's tweets.

Kelly Ogle got the holiday weekend kicked off in the most traditional manner, tweeting his stream-of-conscious thoughts out to the world while waiting for Lowe's to open.

Does anyone else think we're like, six weeks away from Kelly Ogle's "My 2 Cents" just straight-up being his own version of Andy Rooney's segment at the end of 60 minutes? I swear that at any minute he's going to just start randomly telling us all about the different things viewers have sent him over the past year.

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https://twitter.com/AMRice44/status/317406138058551297

And here we are stuck with Coburn and Inhofe. If this isn't the voice of the people, I don't know what is.

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Don't worry, Chellie Mills. You are in a safe place. Anyone who says they are not creeped out by the Easter Bunny is a damn liar.

mascot-easter-bunny-costume-zoom

That is the sort of thing that haunts dreams. Anyone who thinks children are going to be excited, and not pissing-in-their-pants terrified of the Easter Bunny has never met a kid before. There's a reason they chose a rabbit as the scary figure in Donnie Darko.

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Dear god. No, I don't. And please don't tell me.

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Oh... God... Abigail Ogle Really Is Going To Run This Town Someday, Isn't She?

I hadn't noticed that, but I feel I must risk the wrath of the powerful future-Abigail-Ogle and try to one-up her. Because the other days someone pointed out to me another weird body-thing from a commercial. You know that State Farm commercial where that "French Model" from the internet says "Bonjour?" He has freakishly long fingers! Look that this:

at&t hands

Holy shit! It's like ET grew up to be a schlubby hipster dude with a fanny pack. I can't stop staring at them.

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This week I searched Twitter for the words "Oklahoma" and "hate." Here's what came back:

hate oklahoma

You are not that thug.

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Awkward Twitter Conversations With Linda Cavanaugh

There really wasn't too awkward of conversation with Linda this week. There was however this:

Maybe we need to create a Linda Cavanaugh third grade rorschach test tweet of the week.

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The Dean Blevins Memorial Weekly Tweet From Dean Blevins

I don't really know what that means, but I'm just going to move right on past it this week. Because I have something else to show you guys. Some heroic Ogle mole sent it to us over the weekend. Check out this screencap of a Channel 9 newscast last week.

deano urinal gaming

I mean, look at that thing. Looooooook at that thing! Where does one even begin. There is something deeply poetic about Dean Blevins, who's most famous moment of the past decade is peeing on the radio, looking slightly shellshocked while doing about report about "urinal gaming." Whatever that is. Sadly I didn't see the report myself, but have been told it used the words "urine stream." I don't know who the glorious bastard at Channel 9 is that somehow managed to shoehorn all of this into a sportscast, but I'd like to buy him or her a beer sometime.

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That's all for this week. Follow me on Twitter here. Good bye!

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