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We endorse Patrick Gaines for the Oklahoma City School Board

4:47 AM EST on February 9, 2012

Being a childless, devilishly handsome bachelor, I don't really know a lot about schools or boards or school board elections, but I do know one thing. I'm endorsing Patrick Gaines (pictured above) for the District 4 seat in the upcoming Oklahoma City School Board election. Here's why:

1. He apparently likes to party.

I'm all for diversity in government, and you can't get any more diverse than a school board member who likes to wear pink shorts and dress like a convict while chugging an Amstel Light. At least that's what I think.

Anyway, I kind of like politicians who can enjoy a drink or three. It lets me know that they're normal and have found an outlet to relieve the stresses of the job. And as Skip Kelly has shown, it also guarantees more material for this site.

2. His two opponents either homeschool or homeschooled their children.

According to Capital Beat OK, the other two candidates in the District 4 race are Laura Massenat and Crystal Hodges. They have both dabbled in the craft of homeschooling. Hodges homeschools her oldest child, while Massenat homeschooled her older child before sending him off the Oklahoma School of Advanced Hippie Studies.

I'm not sure if I like that. The only thing weirder than a homeschooled kid is a parent who homeschools their kid. Plus, if you do homeschool your kid, isn't it kind of hypocritical to run for school board?  That would be like an Occupy OKC protester joining the Oklahoma City Chamber of Commerce.

3. He's a member of the Bricktown Rotary Association.

My ex-girlfriend is a member of the Midtown Rotary Club. I had to go to a couple of meetings with her at McNellie's a few years ago. The only thing I really remember about the whole thing is that the Midtowner's really hated the Bricktown Rotary Club. Knowing my ex and the other people in the club like I do, that must mean the Bricktown Rotary Club is pretty cool!

Anyway, I guess if you care about this stuff go vote in the school board election on Tuesday. Since he got our coveted endorsement, expect Gains to win by a landslide margin of 50 to 60 votes.

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