A couple of weeks ago I went to a Braum's Fresh Market to get some ice cream. While I was waiting in line "“ imagine that "“ I noticed that they sold steaks. For some reason, that struck me as odd. I even thought to myself "Who would buy a steak at Braums?"
Well, I'm still not sure who would buy a steak from Braum's, but I guess we now know who would steal eight steaks from Braum's and stuff them down his pants. His name is James Young, Jr.
A man stuffed eight steaks in his pants at a Braum's store and left without paying, but an employee saw him do it and called police.
With the steaks in his pants, the man passed the checkout stands and got into a car to drive away, an employee told police Thursday.
The car struck another vehicle in the parking lot on its way out, police Lt. Carrie Wyrick said in a news release.
The store employee gave police a tag number, and they went to an address on Parkview Drive in Durant where they found the car and eight steaks in a plastic bag in the driveway.
An officer found the bag about three feet away from the car, Wyrick said.
Also in the bag were batteries and men's underwear.
What I like about this story is that a Braum's employee was actually aware enough to realize that a man was leaving the store with eight steaks shoved down his pants. Hell, the employee was even smart enough to get a tag number. Why can't they be this aware when I order ice cream from the drive thru?
Anyway, if I worked in the marketing department at Braum's, I would totally build an ad campaign for the Fresh Markets around this steak thief. I can see the TV commercial testimonials now:
"The steak at my neighborhood Braum's is so tender that I stuff it in my pants."
"I'd go to jail for my Braum's steak...but you should buy it legally!"
"Braum's Jalapeno Dip is tasty. Seriously, it is. I mean it's really tasty!"
Of course something like that will never happen. And it will never happen because it would be funny and cool. Instead, Braum's will just keep on running that lame commercial from the 1990s that your grandparents enjoy or just brag about their milk.
p.s.- This isn't the first time some dude has tried to steal a steak from Braum's! It happened in Tulsa in June. Before you know it, Braum's may have to lock their steaks in a special freezer or wrap them in that indestructible plastic material that's used to encase CDs.
