Justice League of Oklahoma (Episode 2.6)
12:30 AM EST on January 28, 2008
Previously: After a threat to kidnap Sam Bradford before the Big XII Championship game was brought to the attention of the Justice League, the investigation headed several dead ends. As a preventative measure, Gary England assigned Jason White to protect Bradford. Wayne Coyne began working at decrypting the letter Coach Stoops received. Amy McRee started doing her own investigation and is now missing. Coach Sauter and Joe Burton finally tracked down the main suspect, Robert Allen.
LOCATION: Val Castor's Stormchasermobile
Gary and Val hop in the Stormchasermobile and begin the trek to Stillwater where Gary personally intends to question Robert Allen. After a few moments of awkward silence, Val attempts to start some conversation.
"I can't believe it's less than a month until Christmas."
"Yeah, I have no idea what to get Tutti," Gary begins, then sees Gallagher-Iba Arena rapidly approaching. "Phew, we're there. Some day, Val, you're going to have to hit the gas on this thing."
LOCATION: Gallagher-Iba Arena
"Tell us what you know!" Doug Sauter shouts.
"I have no idea what you're talking about," Robert Allen replies while struggling against the goalie net tying him to the bleacher seat.
Joe Burton slams his hockey stick against the ground. "Don't play coy with us?"
"Coy? Seriously, I can't understand him through that mustache."
"Easy now, Joe," a voice calls down from the entry tunnel. "I'll take it from here."
Allen looks surprised. "Gary England?"
"You're darn tootin'. So, Robert, I hear we have some conditions developing for some severe criminal activity. What do you know about Sam Bradford?"
"I don't know anything about 'criminal activity'--on the other hand, I do know that Sam Bradford is an overrated Gooner who wishes he had half the talent of Bobby Reid, let alone Zac Robinson. If he'd signed with OSU, Larry Fedora would have taught him how to play..."
"Jump back! You seem pretty hostile."
"That's a joke, right? If anyone is hostile, it's those cocky sons of..." Allen is cutoff by the GIA buzzer.
Gary bristles, "Joe, would you stop playing with the scoreboard?"
"Sorry, Gary, I got bored."
"All right, Robert, who is cocky exactly?"
"The Gooner coaching staff. You should have heard them after the officials gave them Saturday's game. Those pieces of..." Allen is cut off by the buzzer again.
"Coach, did you not just hear me get on to Joe?"
"Sorry, Gary, I got bored."
"What? Nevermind. Back to what we were talking about...you really don't like Coach Stoops, do you?"
"I don't think that's a big secret. I'm not a fan of any of that coaching staff...or the players...or the fans...I could go on."
"Not necessary. We've got motive established. You want to tell us how you planned to kidnap Sam Bradford now. Oh, and before you start, now would be the time to take your staying-out-jail percautions."
Allen looks shocked. "Are you kidding me? I would never do anything illegal. I just want to get back at them on the field."
"Likely story. If that's the case, why have you been ducking my agents?"
"You have more than one agent? I know you're a god in Oklahoma news, but that's crazy."
"No, no, no. Not my agents, my agents. And I do have multiple agents. I have a literary agent, an agent for movies, one for....ah, I digress. In this case, I was referring to Big Country and Lauren Richardson."
"Oh, I can explain that."
LOCATION: Storm Chasers Lair
Humming the "Yeah Yeah Yeah Song" under his breath, Wayne Coyne pours over the kidnapping threat faxed to the University of Oklahoma football office. He jots notes on a pad of hemp paper, scratches his forehead, and pins the letter to the wall next to an alien doodle he had completed ealier. His workstation looks like the shed John Nash worked in at M.I.T. All that's missing is Ed Harris polluting Coyne's mind with thoughts of communist threats.
Frustrated, Wayne tosses three darts at the letter, circles the words he hit, removes the letter, turns it upside down, and gasps. "Rip! Get Gary on the Gentner!"
LOCATION: Gallagher-Iba Arena
After being provided with a box of Twinkies, Robert Allen is ready to tell his tale. "I was working for KFOR back in 1989..."
Flashback: Robert seeks out Oklahoma State's reclusive Heisman Candidate, Barry Sanders, for an exclusive interview for Channel 4 news. Already losing the battle of the bulge, Allen needs this kind of a break to keep his job on the air. Despite his alumni status, the university denied him special access to the player having the single greatest season in NCAA history. This means his only shot at getting to Sanders is to catch him coming out of class, and with some careful sleuthing, Allen had learned Sanders had a 1:30 class at the Noble Research Center. On this fateful day, Allen arrived early knowing the shy running back would probably leave early, hoping to avoid the flood of well wishers that mobbed him anytime he went into public. Robert waited in the lobby until it occurs to him that Sanders likely would avoid such an open area. As quickly as his hefty frame allows, Allen traverses the stairs (he still needs to lose weight, exclusive interview or nay) and immediately sees a sign on a glass door at the bottom of the stairwell. "Top Secret -- Restricted Access." Immediately, Allen believes this is where the school is hiding Sanders. He tries the door and sees that whoever had entered or exited prior had left the door ajar.
"A huge break, I'm thinking, right?" the obese captive of the Justice League utters before devouring a Twinkie. "Wrong."
There is no one in the room, but it appears to be a laboratory. "Must be a lab class he's taking," Allen thinks to himself, but his thoughts stop as he sees a box in the middle of the specimen table. It is the most beautiful thing he has ever seen.
"They looked like glowing donuts, I had to have one. Actually, I had to have them all. My self control was awful. I ate every single glowing cake. They weren't even good, but I figured I may never see anything like it again.
Robert begins feeling very strange. His vision starts to blur, but it seems to him that his fingers are beginning to drip on the floor. He passes out.
When he returns to consciousness, a gaggle of scientists surround Allen who is contained in a large bucket. Robert can see them, even hear them marveling about the effects of the test sample. He cannot, however, move as he is little more than a puddle of liquid-y goo.
"There have always been rumors that the military was building missiles in the NRC. It was a little more ominous than that, even." Allen finishes off the box of Hostess snacks before continuing. "Luckily, the isotopes eventually stabilized and I was able to continue with a somewhat normal life." He pauses, then with a sense of sadness finishes. "They call me 'Blobert'...if only they knew how accurate they were."
Gary confers with Coach Sauter and "Smokin' Joe" while Allen regains his composure. "We think that's a great story," Gary begins, "but what does that have to do with you avoiding "Big Country" and Lauren Richardson?"
"I guess I didn't tell you that part. I'm living a somewhat normal life. When I'm around extreme heat, though, the isotopes destabilize and I'm back to being a puddle. That Richardson chick is hot. Now would you guys please let me go?"
Burton starts to untie the restraints but England stops him. "I think we should test his story," he says before engaging the weather controlling chip embedded in his brain to create drought conditions inside the arena. As the temperature rises, Allen becomes less and less solid until he is little more than a pool on the ground. Gary is marveling at how neat that is and brainstorming with Coach Sauter on how they might utilize the power for the Justice League when his Gentner rings.
"Gary, it's Wayne. I've got good news and bad news. I figured out who we're looking for, but I think we're too late."
Check back later for Episode 2.7