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Holiday Guide ’08

7:51 AM EST on January 3, 2008

Yesterday was January 2nd, which I personally believe is the best day of the year. It's the official end of the holidays. No more presents to buy. No more decorations to hang. No more family and friends that I'm forced to pretend I like. Finally I can return to the life I'm used to living: wallowing in my own depression and self-loathing.

Also, it gives me a chance to plan out the holidays I'm going to celebrate during 2008. Contrary to popular belief, there are some holidays I actually enjoy. Mostly the ones that involve heavy drinking and some sort of idol worship. Anyway, here's Tony's Guide To The 2008 Holidays.

February 26th. OU Baseball Home Opener

Next month, OU will host Arkansas - Pine Bluff in what is sure to be a thrilling encounter of the baseball kind. I'll be there behind home plate shivering and bothering the scouts in attendance. The Right Field Homies will be there. Eight other people will also be there.

But did you know that OU baseball has a new slogan: "OU Baseball: Not just for OU fans anymore." Actually, I just made that up, but the sentiment is true. Now Oklahoma State fans have a reason to show up as well: You're welcome. I want to hear some top-notch heckling out there this season. Don't let me down.

March 25th. Opening Day

First day of the baseball season. This one is just obvious. What? You aren't planning to stay up to watch the A's/Red Sox from Japan at 4 in the morning? Too much baseball in this post? Just move to Canada, commie.

May 13th. Lost Ogle Day.

On May 13th of 2007, a little blog that rocked the foundation of Oklahoma City was formed. Like everyone in the local media, I will be celebrating this anniversary. Here is how best to do that:

Pick your favorite Lost Ogle writer to portray at your local Lost Ogle house party. You must stay in character the entire night.

If you selected Tony, you must spend the evening whining to everyone that you can't think of anything to write about. Furthermore, you should badger people with as many obnoxious lists as you can think of. My suggestion is to start by telling people the holidays you plan on celebrating in 2008. Also, you're going to want to challenge people to race you in a 50-yard dash (don't ask).

If you selected Clark, be sure to dye your hair red and come carrying an ice cream cone. That's how he really looks all the time, people. Be prepared to give long speeches about everything from the best television shows to all of JJ Redick's virtues. Be prepared: At the first mention of The Justice League, people WILL throw things at you.

If you selected Patrick, show up and start drinking. That's about it.

Finally, you must select one person to portray Gary England. At 8:11 PM, to celebrate the first ever post on the Lost Ogle, everyone should line up and, in a silent procession, take turns washing his feet. Don't even think about making eye contact.

September 22nd. Gundy Rant Day.

I was going to let this go. After all, how much more mileage can we get out of this story? But then I have to go and read that Mike Gundy's father, with his grandson in tow, took it upon himself to unleash a tirade of his own on the media following the Insight Bowl.

I hope that on September 22nd you will join me in celebrating the rants of both Gundys. Perhaps by that point Cale will have joined in. Randomly approach people and say things like "Or says he's fat!" and "If anybody hasn't read this article, I don't read it."

At the end of the evening, sit back and read to your children the Mike Gundy rant in poem form, as laid out by the best writer on the planet, Joe Posnanski.

October 1st. Boobie-thon '08.

For something like three months now, one of my co-bloggers -- I'm not sure which -- has had the beginnings of a post in the hopper simply title "Boobiethon." That means that every time I log in to our admin panel, I see the word "Boobiethon." Dearest readers, I can't explain to you how strange an experience that is. Anyway, since I've been indocrinated with that word for something like the length of a hockey season, I guess I will go ahead and support Boobiethon '08. I like breasts and hate cancer as much as the next guy, so rock on.

October 3rd. Gary England's Birthday

The three of us at The Lost Ogle would like to formally invite all of our loyal readers to join us in celebrating Gary's birthday this year.

As always, we will make our yearly pilgrimage to the Holy City - Seiling - early in the morning. We will visit all the places where the young Gary England grew up and first made his mark. We will drink from the soda fountain at Bivens Drug. We will bow down in front of the sacred spot where England Grocery & Market once stood. And we will drive down Gary England Boulevard. At the end of the day, we will regale each other with stories, real and imagined, about the great things Gary The Teevee Weatherman has done. Please join us in a celebration of his life. Who knows? We might even run into Rip or Tutti along the way. Jump back!

November 16th. Statehood Day.

Think how awesome the celebrations of Oklahoma's statehood were this year. And that was just the 100th birthday. In 2008, Oklahoma will be celebrating it's 101st year as a state! I can't even imagine the blowout being planned.

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