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New Year’s Resolutions

7:01 PM EST on January 1, 2008

Now that the ball has dropped and 2007 is gone, it is time for the New Year's traditions. Growing up, my dad would always make us eat black eyed peas on January 1st because it supposedly brought forth good luck. Considering that they taste like something found in the cup seen in the video these people are watching, they damn well better bring some good fortune. Otherwise, I'd almost rather do as the Coney Island Polar Bear Club does for good luck and swim in freezing ocean water.

Of course the most common New Year's tradition is the New Year's Resolution. That's where everyone makes a promise to give up a vice or improve their lifestyle in a way that will make this year better than the last...kind of like lent without the religion. And like lent, these resolutions are rarely followed up on for more than forty days.

Being slaves to tradition, we at TheLostOgle have resolved to be better people in 2008. I tried to think of something funnier than staying on top of housework, but seriously, my house is a pigsty. My son ambled out of the living room last night, and it took me a couple of minutes to find him. In order to avoid an Amber Alert narrowed down to Matthews' Manor, I'm going to stick with that one.

I checked with Patrick, and his goal for 2008 is to create a drinking game for the Oklahoma Lottery Gameshow. Meanwhile, Tony plans to leave his apartment at some point during the year. After the jump, I have assigned some resolutions to a few other people, and in the comments section, you can provide your own plans for a better you.

Toby Keith

Quit singing songs about how great Texas is for Ford commercials when you are from Moore and take pride in being the Sooners' #1 fan.

Jim Traber

Sit down and write that book you have been putting off so you could play poker with the Fat Jack. The public is dying for a how to manual on breaking in a baseball mitt.

Brad Henry

Start running for Senate now! The best competition the state could come up with to take on Jim Inhofe is a virtually unknown state senator. That vote should be close. In 2010, though, Tom Coburn's first term is up, and coincidentally, so is Brad's second term as governor. There's no reason to wait, though, Coach Switzer needs time to gameplan.

Gary England

Don't change a thing.

Tom Coburn

Issue a comment on the Larry Craig issue.

LifeChurch

Build a bigger cross.

Amy McRee


Stop getting cosmetic surgery. If you raise those eyebrows anymore, you'll look like Joan Rivers.

Jenni Carlson

Now that your 15 minutes of fame are over, it's time to write something else cold hearted and somewhat racist.

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