Earlier this week, news leaked that a broad coalition of right-wing Oklahoma oil overlords, bankers, and pandering politicians are hosting a high-priced fundraiser luncheon for Trump’s vice-presidential pick, JD Vance.
Here’s a copy of the invite that Reese Gorman – the Oklahoma expat journalist who can’t leave his home state behind – shared on Twitter:
Even though Republicans would love for you to believe that the world is failing and the economy is in the tank, the $5,000 per plate event quickly sold out. I don’t know if that price included an autographed copy of Hillbilly Elegy.
Every now and then, I’ve thought about going the route of JD Vance and entering conservative politics. The fact that rich people will pay $5,000 a plate to meet the huckster makes me think it would be a financially wise idea.
For example, instead of wasting away writing about this state and hosting bar trivia nights, maybe it’s time I switch things up, chug a Diet Mountain Dew, and enroll at OCU Law School with the Video Vigilante.
After graduating and passing the bar exam on my second try, I’ll enter the venture capital world and write a coming-of-age book about a kid who emerged from the rough and tumble mean streets of South OKC. I’ll call it Derplahoman Blues.
Next, I’ll venture into politics and – after disavowing all the mean things I’ve written both publicly and privately about evangelicals, oil overlords, and Donald Trump – say I’m a changed man and now a bonafide member of the far right. From there, I’ll hypocritically espouse mainstream anti-government Derplahoman beliefs and embrace baseless online conspiracy theories, except – of course – the ones that claim I fuck couches.
In all honesty, it’s probably not a bad idea.
The only risk is that Derplahomans won’t believe me, but I doubt that will happen.
From Hulk Hogan to Amber Rose to Kid Rock, the only consistent thing right-wing MAGA conservatives do is accept anyone who agrees with them, especially when they have a photo like this in their pocket:
Yep, that's right! I've been a secret Trump fan this whole time!
In all seriousness, I should probably give this a shot.
Best case scenario: I’ll follow the path blazed by JD Vance and become a US Senator and VP candidate where I can look out for the vested interests of my wealthy friends, donors, and Ogle Moles.
Worst case, I’ll become the next Nathan Dahm – a laughingstock of my own party – but still notable enough to meet a homely woman who will knit me comfortable sweaters.
Anyway, what were we talking about again?
Oh yeah, a bunch of rich white dudes who don’t want to pay taxes are hosting a meet-and-greet with a rich white dude who doesn’t want to pay taxes so they can raise money in order not to pay taxes. I’m sure that will go great.
Stay with The Lost Ogle. We’ll keep you advised.
