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“That’s How You Stymie a Horse”

The scriptures say, "judge not lest ye be judged." In a post late last week, I chided The Oklahoman for sitting on the most intriguing story of the OSU/Sam Houston State game. Now, it looks like I might be guilty of a similar sin. In a story so perfect for that it might as well have been scripted by Tony, Blazers' hockey coach Doug Sauter literally stopped a stampede of horses with his teeth, and we haven't made a single mention of it two weeks after the fact. That changes now.

It should not have been a huge surprise. I mean, look at his picture. With a mustache like that, Sauter has to be either a super villain or a superhero in disguise. Mild mannered minor league hockey coach was just too much of a stretch.

Here's a brief synopsis of what happened:

    • Sauter, who trains clydesdales, was in attendance at a Draft Quarterhorse Show at the Centennial Expo Building during the State Fair.
    • A wagon being pulled by a team of horses overturned, injuring a 62 year old woman.
    • Chaos ensued, as the wagon driver attempted to control his horses.
    • The other horses at the show became antsy.
    • Sauter jumped to action by biting a Belgian horses ear, calming it and putting a kibosh on the stampede it was about to lead.

"That's how you stymie a horse," Sauter said afterwards. He probably uttered it in a "matter-of-fact" tone, but I prefer to think he said it more taunting way. More like, "THAT'S how you stymie a horse!" Followed by an insincere single, "Ha." I also picture him standing tall with his fists pushed firmly into his hips, staring to his left while the wind blows his whiskers behind him like a cape. (I may need therapy.)

Of course, this leaves us some interesting questions to ponder:

    • Who was the arch-nemesis who almost started the stampede?
      • Does anyone know Dean Blevins' whereabouts at the time?
    • Is Oklahoma City big enough for two superheroes?
      • Will he and Gary England begin an Oklahoman version of the Justice League?
    • Should Sauter be on hand for all Mike Gundy press conferences?
    • Does Mick Cornett have a red phone hidden beneath his desk that goes directly to Sauter's horse ranch?
    • When will take over for Chuck Norris Facts?

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