Welcome to this week’s Dumpster Fire!
On Thursday morning, I sent Beth a text complaining that there was nothing fun to write about this week. Then, just like the Oklahoma weather, everything changed…
Markwayne’s Gone! What’s next?
Like a lot of folks out there, I’m still trying to process the news that Senator Markturd Mullin is leaving his post to serve as Donald Trump’s Secretary of Secret Police and Surveillance – or whatever they’re calling the Department of Homeland Security nowadays.
On the one hand, the news is awesome!
As an Oklahoman, I’ve had the misfortune of being represented by Markwayne Mullin for years, and I’m genuinely thrilled to see him go. Sure, the only thing he’s really qualified to do at the Department of Homeland Security is plunge their toilets, but who cares. Get him out of here.
On the other hand, it’s a little bittersweet.
For more than a decade, Mullin has been one of the most reliable sources of comedic content Oklahoma politics has ever produced. The lies, the hypocrisy, the performative machoism, the tough-guy bravado – the guy was basically a walking pair of truck nuts who somehow ended up as a U.S. senator. Watching his success was kind of neat, in a sad, depressing, “anyone can make it in America if they’re dumb enough” type of way.
Anyway, with Markwayne now going to roast in Trump’s fire as a cabinet secretary, I guess Stitt has to appoint a temporary replacement to keep the Senate chamber warm until voters decide who the next senator will be in the November election. State Speaker Kyle Hilbert broke down the process here…
Right now, the names I’m hearing are the same regurgitated ones everyone in the media is hearing – Kevin Stitt, Gentner Drummond, Charles McCall, T.W. Shannon, every Oklahoma congressional delegate, etc.
Out of those names, the one to keep the closest eye on is probably Congressman Kevin Hern out of the Tulsa area. He has wealth, experience, and – just like when he floated his own name for Speaker a few years ago – the ambition to expand his presence and power in Washington, D.C. Moving up from House rep to senator is probably a good way to do it.
But that’s just speculation. We’ll focus on the race to replace Markwayne over the next weeks and months. For now, let’s continue to celebrate – in a bittersweet way – Markwayne’s departure. I’m happy to see what was only supposed to become a six-year experiment in legislative cosplay finally come to an end.
To the rest of the Dumpster Fire…
Area Man Describes Harrowing 70-Day Experience Living in Paradise Away From Wife and Kids
Remember the guy who got stuck in the Caribbean for 70 days because he and his wife accidentally brought bullets on their trip to Turks and Caicos? Well, he’s now written a book about the harrowing experience.
That’s nice. I can’t wait to read the illustrated I Survived version of his tale with my daughter!
Gentner’s office forgets about marijuana kingpin
Last week, the Oklahoma criminal justice system proudly celebrated that a Chinese marijuana kingpin was being extradited to Oklahoma for flooding America with black-market weed.
Yep, if you exploit our state you will pay for it. Well, that is if the AG remembers to show up to your court hearing:
It’s embarrassing for the AG’s office to forget about something like this, but… when you’re the alleged leader of a $1-billion enterprise, does it really matter whether bond is $1 million or $100K? I’m sure he’ll have no problem easily finding the money, and then fleeing the country.
“Forget About the Lottery Ticket” Tactic Works Out for Noble Couple
No lie – whenever I buy a lottery ticket, I stash it somewhere out of sight, usually in a drawer, and try to completely forget about it.
My thinking is that by forgetting about the ticket, I’ll somehow increase my chances of accidentally winning, as opposed to checking it the night of the drawing expecting to win and being disappointed. It’s kind of the same reverse logic hypochondriacs use – if you’re constantly worrying you have some rare disease, you probably don’t. But if you feel totally fine and ignore everything, that’s when something bad sneaks up on you.
Unfortunately, that strange reverse-jinx tactic has never worked for me. But it’s nice to see it finally work for someone else. They just better not ignore the mole on their neck.
KOCO Unveils New Weatherwoman
We’d like to officially welcome XXX to the Oklahoma City Severe Weather Media Machine.
As you may have noticed, the Severe Weather Gods didn’t waste any time welcoming her to town by unleashing a deadly outbreak of severe weather in Western Oklahoma.
Turnpike Audit Was Boring…
After years of anticipation, the State Auditor finally released its big audit of the OTA and… ho hum?
Anytime you look under the hood of a bloated unchecked bureaucracy your going to find something that’s not right, and the auditor certainly did, but the fact the State Auditor wasn’t able to find any Swadley-style ripoffs is somewhat reassuring. So far, the most scandalous thing appears to be strategic nepotism.
If so, kudos to the firm that hired the Director’s son. That’s a great way to secure one of those non-competitive bidding contracts. Smart hire!
Also, on one other turnpike related note…
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Turnpike Officials Say Anti-Turnpike Crowd Getting A Little… Unhinged
One of the unintended side effects of the Norman turnpike fight is that it’s apparently turning some otherwise normal Oklahomans into people who send violent threats to civil engineers.
Look, I get it. Nobody wants a highway plowing through their backyard, but threatening people over a toll road is a bit much. It’s a turnpike – not the Battle of Lexington.
Stay with The Lost Ogle. We’ll keep you advised.
