In honor of President Trump being inaugurated today for a second, and hopefully-not-final, term as President of the blessed United States of America, TLO is proud to announce the ritualistic sacrifice of Louis Fowler at 3:00 PM at the OKC Cock Ring this afternoon.
Sponsored by Continental Resources, Marcum’s Nursery, and Switzer Lager, the ceremony will feature Trump Bible readings by Ryan Walters, an address from Paul Bondar, and the feeding of Louis’s fresh, still-beating heart to one of Joe Exotic’s old ligers.
Catering for the sacrifice will be provided by Bedlam BBQ and Dova's Patisserie & Café, while post-sacrificial entertainment includes musical performances by Super Freak (they pledge only to perform YMCA), Carol & The Hefnerettes, and TLO’s house band – Powerlines Down.
It’s going to be a Make America Great Again time!
For our loyal and frequent readers, the news that we’re sacrificing Louis – and not simply sending him into hiding – may come as a surprise.
TLO has long been known for its politically incorrect, liberal-esque leanings that have ruffled the feathers of our state’s nuttiest right-wing blowhards (and wokiest socialist bike riders). We’ve also been frequent critics of his heaven-sent, golden-topped holiness, along with his associates, supporters, and insurrectionists.
But, after seeing how well the whole “Never Trump” resistance worked out for us and the country the first time around, we’ve decided to follow the lead of our tech and media overlords and embrace acquiescence instead.
Outside of the further degradation of our Constitution, republic, and personal civil rights, what could go wrong?
Anyway, what better way to show fealty and loyalty to Premier Trump than by sacrificing an esteemed journalist who’s written for an apparently liberal publication for over a decade?
As a bonus, he happens to be half-Mexican and a stroke survivor! Surely that will float Trump’s bubble and score us brownie points with the tribunals at the patriotic education worker camps.
Although the positives of his sacrifice outweigh the negatives, I’ll admit this is bittersweet news.
Like many, I’ve enjoyed reading Louis’s food reviews and other writings over the years. He’s been a unique voice in this community, and I was genuinely looking forward to seeing what recipe he’d try next from The Real Oklahoma Cookin’ Cookbook. But, hey, they don’t call it a “sacrifice” for nothing.
Plus, with Greg Elwell and whoever writes for 405 Mag still out there, there are plenty of other lesser-but-capable food writers out there to fill Louis’s shoes.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to run over to Hobby Lobby and grab some tiki torches and wooden crosses for the event. I hope you’ll join us to give Louis a proper send-off as America steers back on track to becoming the greatest authoritarian banana republic dictatorship of all time.
Also, if you’re a conservative MAGA Trump supporter – or as I call you, a true American – and want to back fair, balanced, and very acquiescent media that ignores reality for our own personal and financial benefit – become a subscriber here.
Stay with The Lost Ogle. We’ll keep you advised.
