If you’ve been unlucky enough to open your mailbox or watch live TV over the past couple of weeks, you’re probably aware of the million-dollar effort by Kevin Stitt, the OCPA, and their merry band of Christian Nationalist Theocrats to remove three impartial justices – Noma Gurich, Yvonne Kauger, and James Edmondson – from the Oklahoma Supreme Court.
The goal of Stitt and Co.?
To replace these long-serving justices with rubber-stamp judicial partisans who will help concoct twisted legal justifications to turn Oklahoma into a theocracy.
If that sounds concerning, well, it is!
The judicial branch is supposed to act as a check and balance on the other two, but if Stitt and his Christian mafia bros have their way, the court will be more like the third wheel tagging along to say "amen" to every bad Evangelical idea.
Seriously, imagine a Stitt-backed Supreme Court where rulings are guided less by constitutional law and more by divine revelations and his ongoing grudge against Native American tribes. If we’re not careful, the Ten Commandments may soon double as Oklahoma’s legal code. That shalt not be fun!
Anyway, I’m obviously in favor of retaining these fair and impartial justices and keeping our judicial system as non-partisan as possible. So, here are 7 reasons why you should vote "Yes" to retain Justices Noma Gurich, Yvonne Kauger, and James Edmondson.
Reason #1: The Justices Actually Care About the Oklahoma Constitution
Unlike Stitt, these justices don’t treat the Oklahoma Constitution as a tool to enrich their grifter buddies and political allies. Nope, they actually seem to have integrity and enjoy upholding it!
If justices who don’t twist the law like a tornado tearing through a trailer park but instead stand firm in protecting our rights and keeping things fair seem appealing, vote yes! If not, just stay at home and skip voting.
Reason #2: The Oklahoma Constitution Mandates That at Least One Edmondson Must Be a Higher-Up in State Government
The Edmondson family name is practically baked into the state’s DNA, like red dirt, teen pregnancy, and fried okra combined, which is why I think it’s mandated that at least one must serve in Oklahoma government. James Edmondson—brother of Drew—seems like the most qualified candidate. If he’s not retained, Stitt will have to resort to the only other qualified Edmondson: the infamous Ferengi Edmondson:
Reason #3: They’ve Prevented Some Truly Terrible Laws
These justices are the unsung heroes who’ve kept some truly bizarre laws from making life in Oklahoma even more absurd. Remember when lawmakers tried to fund a Catholic charter school with public dollars, blatantly ignoring the whole separation of church and state thing? Or when they pushed through restrictive abortion measures that seemed ripped straight from a dystopian novel? And who could forget when they overturned the state's ban on PornHub!
Okay, we made the last one up, but Oklahoma's legislative and executive branches are nutty enough to make it sound semi-believable.
Either way, these justices have been a crucial line of defense, stopping some of the wildest legislative stunts from turning our state into a constitutional circus. Without them, who knows what kind of absurd laws might slip through next?
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Reason #4: Judge Kauger’s Flair Must Be Preserved!
If you were going to rank Oklahoma's Supreme Court justices by their judicial flair, Kauger would be the runaway number one.
Seriously, she’s like the TGI Friday’s Meets Paseo of the judiciary. Whether it’s a turquoise brooch, Coronado's cross ("It belongs in a museum!"), or the beaded statement piece she rocks with confidence, replacing her would mean sacrificing snazzy courtroom flair for drab, uninspired robes.
Reason #5: Stitt May Get to Appoint Three More Justices Like Dana Kuehn!
If Justice Dana Kuehn is any indication of what’s to come, Oklahoma might be in for a wild ride!
A Stitt appointee, Kuehn recently dissented in the Supreme Court's ruling against funding a public religious charter school, claiming that denying taxpayer dollars for religious indoctrination is somehow discrimination. With logic like that, you have to wonder if she got her law degree from Prager U!
Anyway, if Stitt gets to appoint more justices like Kuehn, Oklahoma will move three steps closer to becoming a full-time theocracy, which is exactly what Stitt and his theocrat buddies want. That’s great for religious indoctrination, but pretty bad for people who enjoy rights.
Reason #6: Judge Noma Gurich’s Legendary Bangs Can Sense Bad Legislation
While Justice Kauger brings the flair, Judge Gurich brings the bangs—and not just when she's striking the gavel. In fact, her judicial fringe doubles as a finely tuned antenna, sensing bad legislation from miles away.
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Reason #7: The Gigantic Eagle Sculpture at the Oklahoma Supreme Court Building Will Come Alive and Destroy Us All...
Well, at least that’s what the artist who made the thing told me.
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Anyway, I guess we'll find out tomorrow whether or not Stitt's million-dollar effort to oust these judges are successful.
In the meantime, stay with The Lost Ogle. We'll keep you advised.
