Back in September, a small group of hard-core right-wing extremist Christian nationalist Oklahoma politicians formed a new group. In an apparent nod to opposite day and bizarro worlds everywhere, they dubbed it the Oklahoma Freedom Caucus.
The group naturally consists of some of the biggest right-wing kooks in the legislature, such as Dusty “Don’t Let Women Get Divorced” Deevers, Jim “Let’s Spank Kids” Olsen, Shane “Hang Out With Porn Stars” Jett, and the soi-boy sweater king of the Oklahoma legislature himself, Nathan “Jon Stewart Will Forever Own Me” Dahm.
Since the group's formation, the Oklahoma Freedum Caucus—misspelling intentional—has tried their best to get attention and publicity by doing things like, uh, complaining about people celebrating and expressing their freedoms.
Check out this press release they issued after learning Tinker Air Force Base celebrated National Coming Out Day:
Yep, that’s right. The Freedom Caucus is mad that a military base employing over 26,000 military and civilian personnel from all walks of life is—checks notes—honoring a day that encourages people to live their lives freely and openly!
Here’s the full press release in case you want to zoom in:
I think my favorite part is where Jett implies that all Christians, Muslims, and Jews are apparently homophobic bigots like him. What a great generalization, huh?
I also like where Jett—a man who’s been seen hanging out at political events with former Oklahoma-based porn star Janette Littledove—claimed that National Coming Out Day is vulgar, prurient, and inappropriate, boiling down being gay to simply indulging in “hedonistic sexual gratification.”
Basically, I like how he, by displaying his and his buddies’ general bigotry, proved why our military bases still need to support, back, and celebrate our LGBTQ community with events like National Coming Out Day.
Anyway, based on the general hypocrisy of the Freedom Caucus’s name, I thought it would be prudent to help them find a more fitting moniker.
Here are some options:
1. The Freedom But Only For Us Caucus
This name works great because these guys strongly believe in freedom, as long as it's their version of it, and it doesn’t include anyone who thinks, lives, or loves differently than they do!
2. God’s Dimwits
Just like their Christian Nationalist pals in God’s Misfits – a.k.a. the panhandle GOP wackos who murdered those two ladies over the summer – something tells me these guys are not afraid to take extreme actions while claiming to uphold moral values."
3. The Small Penis Club
Insecure about everything, especially freedoms they don't control. Compensation comes in the form of angry press releases and oppressive policies.
4. Council of Angry White Dads
It’s like a dad’s support group, but instead of talking about their kids, they rant about how the world isn’t catering to their outdated worldview anymore.
5. Ryan’s Minions
"What’s scarier than Ryan Walters running education? A squad of legislative minions who follow his every misinformed whim without question!
6. The Coalition of Christian Nationalist Psychos
This group works tirelessly to redefine ‘Christian values,’ pushing an agenda of exclusion, fear, and a sprinkle of unhinged conspiracy theories.
7. The Why Don’t Normal People Like Us Caucus?
Perplexed as to why their regressive views aren’t more popular, they cope by blaming everyone but themselves.
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Anyway, those are just some of my suggestions. Please leave your own in the comments.
Stay with The Lost Ogle. We'll keep you advised.
