Congrats are in order if you answered “vodka,” “groped,” “crotch,” “male,” and “Kansas” in our recent Mad Lib about Oklahoma Corporation Commissioner Todd Hiett!
A few weeks back, we relayed the big news about Todd going to rehab after he got drunk and did things he claims he couldn’t recall at a conference in Minnesota.
When the story broke, the credible rumors floating around the capitol were that Hiett got in trouble for grabbing the crotch of a Kansas oil and gas worker in a hotel lobby bar in front of other people. But since it was only a rumor, we let our readers do the guessing themselves with the following Mad Lib:
Todd Hiett allegedly got drunk on (NOUN) and allegedly (VERB) the (BODY PART) of a (GENDER) oil and gas worker from (STATE THAT BORDERS OKLAHOMA).
Thanks to the dogged reporting of The Oklahoman’s Nolan Clay – our local competition in the local crotch-grabbing Oklahoma politician beat – we now know the whole story!
Via The Oklahoman:
Oklahoma Corporation Commissioner Todd Hiett groped a man during a drunken incident in a hotel lobby bar at a regulatory conference in Minnesota in June, according to documents obtained by The Oklahoman.
Yep, that’s right! Todd Hiett – a holier-than-thou politician who once fought hard to ban gay marriage in Oklahoma – likes to go noodling for things other than catfish while out of state on official business!
For anyone who’s followed Oklahoma politicians and their unique stances on sanctimony, hypocrisy, and consent, I guess that’s not shocking.
Nolan – who also doubles as The Oklahoman’s gentlemen's club beat reporter – got most of the details of the incident by filing an open records request with the Kansas Corporation Commission.
I guess a couple of their employees witnessed the incident and notified the agency. According to them, Hiett first started caressing a man’s shoulder, slid down to the thigh, and then – probably thinking the man was a lobbyist for OG&E – reached for the "groin area."
Here’s one account:
The first witness recalled seeing Hiett touching the man's left bicep. The witness reported Hiett then quickly moved his hand down and attempted to stroke the man's forearm.
The man moved Hiett's hand away, "looked at us alarmed," and scooted away a little, according to her account.
"We all began to laugh, but it was … uncomfortable laughter at the absurdity of what had just happened," the first witness wrote. "Hiett was basically sitting there looking ahead or down with a sort of glazed look on his face.
"I then saw his hand go down to (the man's) upper thigh and begin touching his thigh. Again, very quickly he moved from (the man's) thigh to (the man's) lap and placed his open palm on (the man's) … groin area."
She wrote the man was visibly horrified and removed the commissioner's hand from his lap.
Yikes! That type of drunken behavior is enough to get you kicked out of Cover Girls and/or Tramps, much less the boring Mid-America Regulatory Conference in Minnesota! I bet things were pretty awkward at the breakfast buffet the following morning!
Nolan Clay reached out to Hiett to get a statement. He once again claimed drunken amnesia. He also went full Carl from Sling Blade and said that, if he did try to grab a man's penis, he was joking around in a funny “ha-ha” type of way – not funny “queer.”
"Clearly I was not in my right mind," Hiett said Monday.
"I was apparently playing a joke on someone that clearly is not funny," Hiett said...
"There's no way in my nature that I would ever do anything like that with any intention other than … just horseplay and … trying to make a joke or tease someone.”
Yep, that’s right. It was all one big joke. He was just goofing around and took “balls busting” to a whole new, unwanted, and literal level. It was an honest mistake that I’m sure happens all the time when conservative Evangelical men are horseplaying and joking around at out-of-state conferences.
In other news, if you believe that, OG&E has another fair rate increase they'd like to sell you!
Anyway, it will be interesting to see what happens to Hiett over this scandal.
First of all, this apparently isn't the first time Hiett's drunken, unruly, possibly criminal behavior has gotten him in trouble at an out-of-state conference. According to the Ogle Mole Network, Nolan should probably look into a California conference Hiett attended back in 2023. He may find something interesting.
Ultimately, I think Hiett will and should resign.
It's difficult for an Oklahoma politician to survive a heterosexual groping incident, much less one involving the same sex!
For example, back in 2004, an Oklahoma lawmaker named Mike O'Neal resigned after he was arrested and sentenced to 30 days in jail for drunkenly groping a Tulsa woman's buttocks at a Holiday Inn.
At the time, many lawmakers called for O’Neil’s resignation.
Because irony and foreshadowing are our friends, one of those lawmakers was then Oklahoma House Minority Leader Todd Hiett.
Via a 2004 article in The Oklahoman:
State Rep. Mike O'Neal left an Oklahoma County courtroom in handcuffs Wednesday after agreeing with prosecutors to spend 30 days in jail to avoid a possible felony conviction for groping a woman.
House Minority Leader Todd Hiett said the situation could become a "black eye" for lawmakers. Hiett said "very strong and appropriate action" will be taken if O'Neal is convicted.
"If guilt has been determined, then he should resign,” said Rep. Todd Hiett, R-Kellyville.
On behalf of all Oklahoma voters and taxpayers, I think it’s time for Todd to follow his own advice and resign from the Oklahoma Corporation Commission.
He may not yet be guilty of a crime, but the Oklahoma people deserve politicians of only the highest moral and ethical fiber – not some drunk predatory ass – to grope, fondle and screw us over in favor OG&E, oil and gas companies, and other utility monopolies.
Stay with The Lost Ogle. We’ll keep you advised.
