Who’s ready for another special edition of Oklahoma Politicians Gone Wild!?
Yesterday, The Oklahoman’s Nolan “Nice Toupee” Clay reported that Oklahoma Corporation Commissioner Todd Hiett – the longtime Oklahoma politician and loyal puppet to the oil and gas industry – was checking himself into rehab after an embarrassing drunken incident at a regulatory conference in Minnesota.
According to Nolan’s reporting, the details of what happened are a bit sketchy, primarily because a dodgy Hiett claims he was too drunk to remember.
Via The Oklahoman:
Hiett, 57, told The Oklahoman in an interview that he does not remember the incident on June 9 after a reception at the Mid-America Regulatory Conference. He did acknowledge he drank too many vodka sodas that night.
"I just know that I'm told that I abused alcohol," he said. "Obviously not my proudest moment to hear that. And I'm very embarrassed and humiliated ... that I've been told that my behavior was not good."
He insisted he has not been told in detail what happened. "Just that it was inappropriate and that people were offended," he said. "I made a terrible mistake. ... I know I disappointed a lot of people and I disappointed myself."
Wait a minute. He got blackout drunk on… vodka sodas? Did Hiett switch bodies with a 32-year-old woman on a crash diet trying to squeeze into a bridesmaid's dress? I bet the other people at rehab mock him for choosing the most boring drink on the menu!
As a guy who has also used the “I was too drunk or high to remember” excuse a time or two in my life, I can’t criticize Hiett for being a bit coy and deceptive. This is especially true after I heard what he apparently did!
Right now, the rumors being circulated around the capitol are pretty scandalous and, if we’re being honest, about on par with what you’d expect from an Oklahoma politician who, while serving as House Minority Leader back in 2004, helped put a state question on the ballot to ban gay marriage.
Because I have ethics and values, I can’t just straight-up share this rumor. That would be irresponsible. Instead, let’s play a good old-fashioned game of TLO Mad Libs. Fill in the blanks with your choice of words and take the rumors in any direction you want:
Todd Hiett allegedly got drunk on (NOUN) and allegedly (VERB) the (BODY PART) of a (GENDER) oil and gas worker from (STATE THAT BORDERS OKLAHOMA). He then woke up the next day in a (NOUN) and claims he couldn’t remember what happened.
Fun stuff, huh? We need to do more Mad Libs in the future!
Although I included them as “NOUNs” in the Mad Lib, we do know Hiett was drinking vodka. We also know the inappropriate behavior apparently took place in the hotel lobby. We know this because it’s what Hiett told the Oklahoman:
Hiett said he was told he acted inappropriately in the lobby of the hotel after the reception. There was not a police report on the incident. "It's very unfortunate that I am not able to recall what happened," he said.
Andrew French, the chairman of the Kansas Corporation Commission, has spoken to Brandy Wreath, the director of administration at the Oklahoma Corporation Commission, about the incident.
French has not responded yet to a request from The Oklahoman for comment. The Oklahoma Corporation Commission refused on Monday to release records about his call.
Hmmn. I wonder why they wouldn’t release records of the call? Let’s play another round of Mad Libs!
Details of the call weren’t released because they likely confirmed that Hiett got drunk on (NOUN) and allegedly (VERB) the (BODY PART) of a (GENDER) oil and gas worker from (STATE THAT BORDERS OKLAHOMA). He then woke up the next day in a (NOUN) and claims he couldn’t remember what happened.
Anyway, all mad libbing aside, we hope Hiett’s stint in rehab goes well, he overcomes his alcohol-fueled demons, and quickly gets back to work helping oil and gas companies and public utilities screw over the Oklahoma people.
Also, if you witnessed what Hiett apparently did and were sober enough to remember and/or video it, please hit us up on the TLO Tip Line. We promise to keep your identity as confidential as Hiett’s memory.
Stay with The Lost Ogle. We’ll keep you advised.
