Yesterday’s boring primary election has come and gone, and before we forget about it, I thought it would be fun to take a quick look at some of the notable winners and losers.
Here we go…
Loser: Paul “Big Tex” Bondar
Although he’s now a sure-fire first-ballot entrant into the Oklahoma Media Buyer Hall of Fame, Paul Bondar apparently dropped millions of dollars of his own money to commandeer an Oklahoma congressional seat held by Tom Cole and failed to do so, not even siphoning enough votes in a crowded field to force a runoff.
You have to wonder if this was essentially first-round political seed funding by Bondar, and now that he has some name recognition, we may see him again in a political race down the road. If so, let's hope it's in Arkansas, New Mexico, or some other state bordering Texas.
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Winner: Andrew Haynes
Andrew’s lukewarm and very uncomfortable endorsement of Bondar has, so far, been the best highlight of this year’s batch of political campaign ads. Seriously, watch it again and again on repeat. He looked like he was trying to endorse which testicle to chop off, or answering something from "The Book of Questions."
Although Andrew also failed in his fringe bid to usurp Tom Cole, which technically makes him a loser, at least he won’t find himself in the position of choosing between Bondar and Cole! That makes him a winner.
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Loser: Kevin Clardy
A year or so after he was caught discussing where to bury murdered journalists, yucking it up about deceased house fire victims, and reminiscing about the days when you could hang people at Mud Creek, McCurtain County Sheriff Kevin Clardy finished a distant third in the primary. It sucks for him, but at least he can probably get a job at his family’s funeral home.
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Winner: McCurtain County Gazette
The pen is mightier than the badge. The small-town paper’s owners and employees were the ones targeted by Clardy, and at least in this situation, their reporting of his comments and other scandals illustrates the power of a free press that most Derplahomans would like to see destroyed.
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Loser: Greg McCortney
Back in February, the GOP Establishment cheered when McCortney was chosen as the heir apparent to former Oklahoma Governor Greg Treat. Now they’re reeling after McCortney was beaten by this guy:
This defeat will actually have some pretty severe ramifications in Oklahoma politics in the coming years. The Senate was the more moderate voice of our two extremely conservative chambers of the legislature, and McCortney’s ouster will likely lead to a more extreme voice taking the gavel.
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Winner: Shane Jett
Jett narrowly avoided a runoff against his old opponent Ron Sharp for Senate District 17. Sharp is one of the rare Oklahoma GOP politicians with ethics and values, so it's probably not a surprise voters chose Jett.
Anyway, I guess this makes Jett a winner, and he'll be able to continue accepting hollow awards and hanging out with former 1980s porn stars.
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Loser: Cleveland County
Elections have consequences, which Cleveland County GOP voters should have learned the first time they elected Chris Amason as County Sheriff. His blatant incompetence and mismanagement have resulted in Cleveland County taxpayers having to fork over a $3.2 million “taxpayer-assisted bailout fund” to cover overspending by his office. Despite this, Cleveland County GOP voters still advanced him to the general election, where he’ll probably win.
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Winner: Ajay Pittman
Pittman held off a hard-fought challenge by food stamp fraudster turned food bank staffer Brittane Grant. This is a great win for Pittman. Not only will she continue to get a salary and enjoy the clout of being a State Senator, but she’ll be able to come up with new ways to spend campaign funds!
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Loser: Jessica Garvin
In 2020, everyone cheered Jessica Garvin because she wasn’t the infamous Paul Scott, but then when she took office, we started learning she was just as bad, or even worse, than Paul Scott! She was upset last night by Kendal Sacchieri – a Newcastle Spanish teacher who looks like the pretty lady from church that your grandpa thinks is pretty sharp:
From all accounts, Sacchieri is very right-wing, but she can’t be worse than Scott or Garvin… Right?
Actually, she can. Never underestimate Oklahoma politicians and the dumb decisions of voters who elect them.
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Winner: Nikki Nice
Even though she’s buddies with the whiny jealous commies in the local bike-riding cyber-bully brigade who have a bizarre and vitriolic obsession with me and my writing, I’m a big fan of Nikki Nice, primarily because she’s nice!
She beat career politician Connie Johnson in the race for SD 48. Although I don’t have a problem with Connie, I think this is good for the district and good for a state that needs some marketable and fresh liberal voices in office. We’d like to congratulate Nikki and wish Connie the best of luck in whatever political office she runs for next.
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Anyway, I’m sure there are many other winners and losers from last night, but I’ve written about 10 of them, which is good for my day-after-election quota. If you have any you’d like to share, leave a comment.
