KFOR’s Dylan Brown is on a roll!
Just days after his legendary report about the sassy, catty and unreliable photographer who sees dead people went viral across the Oklahoma interwebs, Dylan Brown provided a Pulitzer-worthy report about David Dewitt – a Pottawattamie County sheriff's deputy – going on a violent rampage inside a Christie's Toy Box near Valley Brook, culminating with a store clerk being punched in the face, candy being spilled over the floor, and Dewitt being struck in the back with a giant sex toy.
You can watch the report below or at the KFOR website.
Without a doubt, it’s the sloppiest story involving sex toys in the OKC Metro since that truck shot its load of vibrators and lube all across I-40 in October of 2022.
Geeze. There’s a lot to lube up with that one.
First of all, with all apologies to the way Joleen Chaney enunciates the phrase “sex toys,” Dylan’s excited reenactment of what it’s like to be struck in the back by a vibrator is by far the best part of the video.
Or at least the part “where the fun begins.”
I’ve never been struck in the back by a vibrator or dildo or whatever object the clerk threw at the asshole deputy who probably shouldn’t be a deputy, but I think Dylan did a good job conveying what it's like.
Obviously, I do have some follow-up questions about the report.
First, do all Christie's Toy Box locations have giant buckets of candy just lying around the store? Is that common? Maybe it’s just me, but the only edible food item I’m going to buy at an adult boutique is underwear!
Second, who exactly is this David Dewitt guy, and why is he running around town in a Bentley convertible with one of the douchiest personal license plates imaginable?
I did some quick googling, and apparently this isn’t the first time he’s run amok with the law.
According to News 9, Dewitt used to go by the alias Chris Black and was part of a local bounty hunter collective called The Bounty Boys.
Inspired by Dog the Bounty Hunter and other law enforcement wannabe douchebags with anger management issues, the police posers desperately sought out fame and media attention by recording and sharing their elite fugitive recovery escapades on social media and YouTube.
They eventually got the mainstream media attention they craved when they kidnapped and terrorized a family that they wrongly identified as fugitives.
Via News 9:
The Oklahoma County District Attorney could soon charge five members of a local bounty hunter group with forcing their way into a family's Midwest City apartment.
Kevin Houston says the Bounty Boys pounded on the door of his apartment just before midnight on July 26. He says they told him to open the door, and when he did several men rushed in. The men were wearing vests labeled with the word "Fugitive" on the back. They also carried guns, tasers and badges. Houston says he did what they told him to do because he assumed they were police.
Midwest City police say the Bounty Boys held Houston, his fiancé and two children hostage for almost an hour before they realized they were in the wrong place. Houston called police as soon as they left.
Five members of the Bounty Boys are now faces charges of kidnapping, and entering a structure with intent to commit a felony. They are:
Lawrence Earl Sanders (AKA Les Sanders and Les Riggs), 42, of Oklahoma City
David Shad Dewitt (AKA Chris Black), 38, of Oklahoma City
Brandon Paul Zimmerman, 30, of Bethany
David Wayne Shook, 47, of Oklahoma City
Patrick Don Redden, 35, of ShawneeSanders is could also be charged with pointing a firearm and unlawful carrying of a firearm. Dewitt also faces a charge of unlawful carrying of firearm.
I’ve never worked in law enforcement, so I don’t know their hiring procedures, but I do have a bit of advice for the Pottawattamie County Sheriff.
Before you hire a new deputy, maybe do a little Google search to see if they’ve ever been accused of kidnapping, or entering a structure with the intent to commit a felony, or unlawfully carrying a firearm, all while cosplaying as some modern-day wannabe Boba Fett.
You know, the red flag type of stuff that makes you wonder if they should be given a badge to flash around when they go mental inside a sex toy shop.
Anyway, we hope the Christie’s Toy Box cashier is okay.
Also, if you ever need to visit an Adult Boutique, please choose Patricia’s.
Stay with The Lost Ogle. We’ll keep you advised.
