As we mentioned earlier this month, Carly Atchison – Stitt’s Communications She Troll who has been terrorizing the local social media scene since she arrived on the job a few years ago – starts a new PR job on Monday, perhaps for Desantis or the Wicked Witch of the West.
Although she won’t work with me or respond to my emails, I’ve thoroughly enjoyed getting know Carly from afar over the past few years.
Say what you want about her ultra-right-wing political ideologies, warped reasoning skills, and general unlikability, she’s excellent at spreading deceptive and misleading info online that appeals to right-wing nut jobs, all while simultaneously leaving liberals, wokes, and the media in the body bags.
As a tribute to Carly, I decided to put my UCO English Degree to good use and write her a farewell poem. It’s called "Farewell Ode to Carly Atchison." It’s either the dumbest or greatest thing I’ve ever written, or possibly both.
Check it out below:
Farewell Ode to Carly Atchison
Farewell, dearest Carly,
you queen of She-Trolls,
who always loved to call out the fake news polls.
Your time in Oklahoma was brief but way too long,
like Blake Shelton singing a sad country song
about your dopey boss – a moronic ding dong!
Farewell, dearest Carly,
you liberal tear drinker,
and certified right-wing edge lord thinker.
You made people mad and put up a social media fight
even when you were wrong and definitely not right
which, like a First Lady’s car crash, was a terrifying sight.
Farewell, dearest Carly,
you unhinged social media provoker
and spreader of lies that flow like fumes from a Brent Swadley smoker.
You always took on the local Twitterati
with kicks to the body that struck hard like karate,
making them go potty like a drunk teen at a Guthrie Halloween party.
Farewell, dearest Carly,
you online beast lady vulture
who contributed nothing positive to Oklahoma culture.
As a snarky little runt,
I hope I’m not being too blunt
when I say that I think you’re still a goddamn conservative… grunt.
Farewell, dearest Carly,
we wish luck in your future GOP-trolling adventures
that hopefully doesn’t lead to you seeing Giuliani’s dentures.
It was fun to watch you grow into a social media pro spreading partisan hate
while terrorizing citizens and media all over the state.
Wherever you go, I hope you eat lots of crow
and reap what you sow under a flaming rainbow.
