Editor's Note: This TLO classic from Louis Fowler was originally published in December 2016. We can't vouch for the availability of some of the products mentioned.
Every year we subject ourselves to the same consumer torments and tortures, braving the overflow of humanity-flooded capitalist prisons like Penn Square Mall, Wal-Mart, or whatever hip downtown pop-up du jour gets passed around on social media, all in search of overpriced Christmas gifts that, sadly, will be forgotten about some December 26. Why bother?