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7 Reasons To NOT Support The Lost Ogle…

9:23 AM EDT on April 13, 2022

Every now and then, like on days like today when I'm celebrating my birthday and don't want to work, I like to provide a list of reasons why people shouldn't support The Lost Ogle through a $5 a month membership. Here they are:

1. You own and operate a restaurant chain called Swadley's Foggy Bottom Kitchen...

The chain with "brand power" has scooped up over $17-million in taxpayer funding over the past couple of years, so you'd think the owners could afford a $5 per month Lost Ogle subscription. Then again, now that OSBI is looking into the deal, they should probably save every dollar they can for a legal defense fund!

2. You're too hungover after crashing a tween Valentine's sleepover...

Let's be honest – every Oklahoman's probably had an embarrassing moment (or two) where they've had a few too many drinks and/or sleeping pills, and then proceeded to make an ass out of themselves at a tween sleepover. If that's the case, drink some Gatorade, grab some Braum's, and then come back and subscribe once you've recovered from your massive hangover.

3. You've recently lost your job...

I've been laid off before, so I'm fully aware of the financial stresses it can entail. When you land on your feet and find a new gig, come back and sign up.

4. You're not a fan of free speech...

If you're a member of the radical right or the loony left, there's a good chance you're not a fan of free speech, and want to silence, cancel, or censor any opinion, commentary, or joke that you don't like or find offensive. If that's the case, please don't sign up as a Lost Ogle member, as your support would help liberate and insulate us from the pressures of cancel culture and self-censorship.

5. You're so consumed with teenage bathroom habits that you can't focus on anything else...

Hey, we all have our passions. Sure, worrying about non-existent issues like where some teens empty out their colons and bladders seems a bit strange, but you do you.

6. We've exposed your racism

Racism is still a popular pastime in Oklahoma, but for some reason, racists don't seem to like it when you highlight their racism in a public forum! Maybe we should adopt a better business formula and promote and enable racism instead? That will really bring in the subscribers!

7. Your credit card is in the other room...

Isn't that a pain in the ass? You don't mind subscribing and supporting local media, but you can't remember that three-digit code on the back of your card, and your card is in the other room, and, well, you just plopped down on the couch and smoked a bowl and will enroll next time, even though you probably won't.

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Anyway, I'm sure there are other reasons not to support this website. Let us know in the comments, or better yet, grab your credit card from the other room and sign up today!

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