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Satire

7 other Oklahoma employee groups that should unionize

11:30 AM EST on February 22, 2022

Good news, my fellow workers and comrades! The Starbucks at 63rd & Grand in OKC is the state’s first location to join more than 50 stores nationwide in unionizing.

Even though Starbucks employees deserve a hell of a lot more than $12 per hour to memorize a 23 step drink order for each member of the Saturday morning gathering of the Karens, they’re not the only ones who should be collectively bargaining for better treatment in this state.

In fact, here are 7 other Oklahoma employees who should unionize and lead a strike for better working conditions!

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Oklahoma Meteorologists

Because can there be a more “unfair” working environment than having to predict the weather in Oklahoma?

Hobby Lobby Employees

If it’s the Green family’s constitutional right to deny employees birth control coverage, its employees’ constitutional right to unionize against them. Collectively bargain for the return of the 50% coupon while you’re at it.

The Mathis Sisters

With the business being in the family for 3 or 4 generations now, statistically speaking there are some "Mathis sisters" somewhere in the showroom. It's about time they exercise their Lady Americana right to unionize for the respect, recognition, and midday airtime on the Steve Wilkos Show commercial breaks that they deserve.

Love's Bathroom Cleaner

Entering a Love's bathroom is hazardous enough for your health, much less cleaning one for a living.

Frontier City EMTs

To work in a “high stress environment” at Frontier City carrying out duties including providing emergency medical treatment and ride evacuations, employees are expected to have at least an EMT medical license and to make at most $15 per hour. Frontier City EMTs should unionize to advocate for being paid their worth…or at least cap their expectations at no more than five Silver Bullet rescues per shift.

Toby Keith’s “I Love This Bar” Hostess

With as many unruly rednecks and Toby Keith songs these folks are exposed to on an hourly basis, you’d think they’d at least be entitled to some hazard pay.

Braums Fresh Market Cashiers

Not only are they placed in charge of like 3x the food groups as the dairy counter cashiers, but they also receive 1/3 of the respect because there hasn’t been Fresh Market representation in a commercial since the 1980s. Yet both departments are paid the same $10-$11 per hour… or $7.75 if you’re in high school. At this point, I’m not even being satirical in this blurb. That’s some bullsh*t. It’s time to put your sophomore civics class to work and unionize.

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For more information on Labor Rights, check out the NLRB or this cat on twitter. Then follow Hayley on twitter @squirrellygeek and become a contributing member of TLO here.

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