Did Brian Maughan destroy his own campaign signs?
11:09 AM EDT on October 26, 2020
Last week, Oklahoma County Commissioner Brian Maughan – the Red Lobster fanboy who, just like Lacey Lett, owns a burgandy OCCC Alumni Hall of Fame blazer – sent a postcard to every voter in his district seeking help in finding the "thugs" who were allegedly vandalizing the obnoxiously huge campaign signs he hammers into any available green space around town.
Rollin' Nolan with The Oklahoman quickly filed this report that – despite his paper's own apology for using "thugs" to describe protestors in an editorial – didn't acknowledge, or even attempt to explain, why Maughan – an elected official who oversees our country government operations – used the racially-charged word to describe the vandals who destroyed his signs.
Via The Oklahoman_:
In an unusual move, Oklahoma County Commissioner Brian Maughan sent a postcard to every voter in his district last week offering a reward for the identity of the vandals slashing his campaign signs.
"There's no place in our system for political thuggery!" his postcard states.
He also reported the vandalism to police...
Before we continue, let's give Brian credit for manufacturing attention for his campaign. From County Commissioner to US President, name recognition is a highly-important thing to have in politics, and this blatant attempt to get publicity will help boost his profile a tad, and maybe help people forget about the genuinely terrible job he's done as a County Commissioner.
In addition to that, the use of the word "Thugs" to describe the vandals will really boost Maughan's popularity with the politically incorrect, stick-it-to-the-libs, racist crowd out there! They're still a coveted voting block in Oklahoma County and love nothing more than supporting politicians who use language and rhetoric that a good chunk of the people in blue and purple America considers derogatory and racist.
Here are the postcards in case you want to check them out:
According to Maughan, the vandalism stopped after the postcards went out. That makes sense. I know if I was an elected official sneaking out at night to destroy my own campaign signs as part of a plan to generate publicity for myself, I'd also stop after I mailed a postcard to thousands of people offering a $1,000 reward for help in identifying the "thugs" who did it. Seriously, the last thing you'd want in that situation is to get caught in that act by a bounty hunter from Canadian County who's part of Sherrif West's posse! That would be awkward!
Okay, I'm just (kind of) joking around, but this whole thing has got me thinking which "thug," did this? Here are some logical guesses:
Who has the most to gain from this controversy? How about the guy who helped manufacture it! Seriously, you don't have to be a professional gumshoe to realize that the smeller here is probably the feller.
Obviously, Maughan's opponent in the race – famed Lost Ogle contributor Spencer Hicks – would be a likely suspect. Just look at the contempt on Spencer's face as a professional photographer snaps a pic of me and my long finger for a magazine article.
Yeah, he obviously has some issues with jealousy. I could smell his ginger hair burn from all the hot rage building up in his body.
Then again, I couldn't really see Spencer doing something as low as vandalizing an opponent's campaign sign. For one, he's not very brave. Two, he's actually really nice. Three, he's been hard at work campaigning and trying to memorize the names and locations of all of Oklahoma County's roads.
10 years ago – a simpler time in the world before Internet dating involved swiping and Brian Maughan didn't have hair – we were alerted to his Match.com profile. In addition to his obsession with Red Lobster, among the many disturbing things we uncovered was that Brian used the online dating alias Waylon Orbison. Perhaps it's this alter-ego that is out doing Maughan's dirty work while the county sleeps?
Red Lobster Server
On that note, I guess it could be a vengeful Red Lobster server who thinks Maughan's a shit tipper: "I gave that man six extra cheddar biscuits with his takeout and he only tipped me $2! The signs are coming down!!!"
Hey, maybe people wouldn't be knocking down Maughan's signs if they weren't the size of small billboards and uniquely position to block the views of motorists.
Anyway, those are some of our guesses. If you have any, leave us a comment.
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