Just weeks after the Oklahoma State Board of Education demanded Epic Charter Schools repay $11-million it essentially stole from Oklahoma taxpayers, Governor Kevin Stitt announced today he plans to use the money – when and if it's ever repaid – to create the Oklahoma Center For Online Charter School Success and Excellence.
According to a press conference at the Epic Charter school playground at Woodland Hills Mall, the center will be conveniently located in Stillwater next to the Oklahoma Center For Pandemic Innovation and Excellence.
Here's a snippet of what Stitt had to say:
"Thanks to a generous pending donation from our friends at Epic Charter Schools, I'm proud to announce the creation of the Oklahoma Center For Public Charter School Innovation and Excellence...
This center will not only help make and keep Oklahoma a Top 10 State for public education and school choice, but by developing new, innovative ways for shady unethical profiteers to exploit loopholes and rip-off valuable taxpayer money that's supposed to go to Oklahoma students, it well help grow and expand the Oklahoma economy.
Imagine that!
Stitt also announced he's appointed Phyllis Shepherd – current member of the Statewide Virtual Charter School Board – as Executive Director of the facility. The aunt of Epic co-founder David Chaney, she comes to the board after a long career teaching and serving as an extra in Harry Potter movies:
According to Stitt, Ms. Shepherd, along with the help of her nephew, will look deep within their family tree, and Republican political circles, to find only the best and committed con artists, grifters and swindlers to staff the facility, and research new ways for the private sector to shamelessly steal from public education.
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Anyway, I guess if you're still reading this I should probably tell you this article is 100% satire. Well, maybe not 100%.
First of all, there's a decent chance Stitt may like this idea and go with it. That's scary. Second, the stuff about the State School Board demanding Epic repay $11-million after they reviewed the infamous State Auditors report is 100% true, as is the stuff about Epic co-swindler David Chaney being the nephew of the lady who serves on the Virtual School Board.
Also, Stitt did announce he wants to build an Oklahoma Center For Pandemic Innovation and Excellence in Stillwater, far away from any major interstate or airport. Imagine that.
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