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Scandal Rocks Oklahoma City Community College!

11:14 AM EDT on August 17, 2016

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In case you're wondering why there are so many typos on this site, I graduated from Oklahoma City Community College in 1999 with an Associate's Degree in Experimental Biomolecular Air Conditioning Installation. 15 years later, as a result of my fame and celebrity status, I was inducted into the college's Alumni Hall of Fame. Other than the time Linda Cavanaugh named me KFOR Employee of the Month, it's been the highlight of my professional career.

With that disclaimer out-of-the-way, it pains me to report that a scandal is now rocking my alma mater! And no, it has nothing to do with those counterfeit faculty parking stickers I printed in the computer lab my Freshman year. Apparently, an O-Trip staffer was caught changing test scores and enrollment information, which depending on how the scores were altered, can either be a really nice or really shitty thing to do to student. It's also against the law.

Via NewsOK.com:

A staff member at Oklahoma City Community College is under investigation following allegations enrollment information was falsified to obtain grants.

An OCCC employee told authorities on Aug. 9 "that her supervisor was altering/changing test scores and enrollment information, which would reflect inflated numbers in order to gain money for state and federal grants," an officer for OCCC campus police wrote in a search warrant affidavit.

The supervisor wasn't named in the affidavit.

That's awful. At O-Trip, we are not a community of human beings. We are a community of human becomings! The sky is terrifying if no one has never taught you how to soar. Every community needs a common house, a fire pit, a telescope. It needs a place where we go to...

Wait a second. I'm just repeating the lyrics from the OCCC television commercial that hasn't changed in five years. To be inducted into the Hall of Fame, you have to recite the whole thing backwards while taking the GED at the same time. It's a difficult task.

Here's more:

The officer reported the falsified information was entered on computers owned by OCCC. According to the affidavit, seven computers were taken during a search at 6500 S Land Ave., the location of the OCCC Family and Community Education Center.

The officer also reported student grades were changed in the Literacy and Community Education System, known as LACES.

According to the affidavit, reports, measures, charts and graphs were altered in the LACES system, which is described as "a program to track enrollment and gains which affect funding."

Seizure of the computers was authorized by Oklahoma County District Judge Cindy Truong.

Wow. Do our state's civil asset forfeiture laws have no bounds? They go from taking cash from drug dealers to seizing community college computers just because someone changed a few test scores? What sad times we live in. How will those students learn?!

Anyway, as a proud OCCC graduate and Hall of Famer, I'm going to throw my weight around and get to the bottom of this controversy. I will not stand idle and watch the reputation of Harvard on May be shattered by a few a bad apples! Plus, I would really like to alter some grades on my transcript. I am still a human becoming!

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