It's about time somebody in Lawton did something about the town's STD problems!
Earlier today, an Ogle Mole alerted me to this news story in the Lawton Constitution. It involved two cousins, STDs and bullet wounds to a "man's posterior." Basically, your regular old day in the life of Oklahoma's armpit.
Via The Lawton Constitution:
Investigators say a domestic dispute is to blame for a pair of bullet wounds to a Lawton man's posterior.LPD Officer Abe Woeffel reported responding to a shots fired call shortly after 11 p.m. Friday at the apartments in the 2300 block Northwest 38th Street. He arrived to find a man lying in the parking lot and suffering gunshot wounds just above his left buttocks and in his upper, inner left thigh, according to the report. He said he'd been shot by his cousin in the parking lot across the street.The cousin was brought to the police station around 3:30 a.m. Saturday. He said he shot his cousin twice with a .380 caliber handgun because he believed the man gave his girlfriend a sexually transmitted disease, the report states. He was booked into jail for assault with a dangerous weapon.
I know you're probably worried, so I went ahead and checked with Knuckles, Jesse Dalton and all the hot models from the 580. I'm happy to report everyone is safe and still taking their antibiotics. They should be fine and have new music videos very soon.
Anyway, why did the cousin blame his cousin for giving his girlfriend a sexually transmitted disease? This is Lawton! I'm pretty sure they sell STDs in vending machines. It could have come from anyone. Plus, most STDs are spread via dirty car seats. At least that's what my ex-girlfriend from Lawton told me.