As I mentioned last week, I planned on taking a break during the holiday weeks to drink a lot, enjoy time with family, and "get shit done." Once again, I've only accomplished one of those goals.
Since Oklahoma City is currently shut down and dealing with what Chief Fearmongerologist Mike Morgan predicted would be a "record-breaking snowfall," I've decided to kill some time and write about our old friend and resident idiot Jim Inhofe.
Last week, he penned a self-serving editorial in the "State's Most Trusted News" to pat himself on the back and promote the new highway bill he helped push through the Senate. You can read the whole thing here. The best part is the last paragraph:
"I'm proud that Oklahoma is known for its first-rate highway system. With this new blueprint for surface infrastructure, I'm confident the state will continue its legacy as the most attractive state to do business in America."
Yep, Oklahoma is apparently known for its first-rate highway system. I can see that. I know it's the first thing I think whenever I dodge potholes, buy new tires and pray the Belle Isle Bridge doesn't crumble to the ground when I'm stuck in traffic. Maybe Jim Inhofe can also praise the pinpoint accuracy of media's winter weather forecasting, too.
Also, when did Oklahoma become the most "attractive" place to do business in the U.S.? I must have missed that one. If that's the case, shouldn't we have a bunch of high paying jobs and companies wanting to do business here? Or, kind of like that perpetually single hot girl you see Baker's Street, are businesses scared off by our crazy? If so, I don't really blame them. We are the same people who elect idiots like Jim Inhofe to the Senate.
In addition to his editorial, Senator Senile also sat down with Brianna Bailey to talk other issues, and in the process, show off more of his trademarked idiocy. Here are a few questions and answers:
Q: Congress last week passed a $1.1 trillion spending bill that also included a repeal of the United States' 40 year ban on crude oil exports. What were some of the barriers to repealing this ban? And how will allowing crude exports help Oklahoma's economy?
This is something we've been working on for a long time. This ban has been on for 40 years, and it wasn't until we had this surge in production of oil and gas in this country that it's been significant. Now we are in a position where we need to export. Before, we weren't. but now we do. We are interested in Oklahoma because the oil and gas industry is a huge, huge employer. But there's something else that is even more important, and that's national security. The countries that are out there, most of them are the former Soviet Union countries that are forced to get all of their oil and gas from Russia and Iran. Well, they're not our friends, and they are not looking out for our interests. Consequently, those countries that want to be with us can't do it because they are forced by their oil and gas to go elsewhere. Now with the lifting of the ban they can come to us....
Wait! That's actually a refreshing, semi-normal response. Is Inhofe okay? He somehow made a convincing argument for oil exportation that's void of typical "Blame Obama!" rhetoric that generally spews from his mouth. Does he have anything else to add?
You have president Obama's war on fossil fuels. He announced that long before he was president that he wants to kill fossil fuels. Now the reason I'm back in Oklahoma so often is to talk to Oklahomans because they don't have any normal people in Washington. They ask questions like “Wait a minute, if we're dependent on fossil fuels for 75 percent of the power we generate to run this machine called America, how do you take away fossil fuels and still run this machine called America.” The answer is you can't do it.
Well, that was fun while it lasted. According to Inhofe, the President who's overseen the Renaissance in American oil production is actually leading a war on fossil fuels. That's good to know. What else does Senator Senile have to say?
Q: Would you ever reconsider your position on climate change, which you have called a hoax.
If we had some evidence that came up, but we've looked at every piece of evidence that's there so far that has come up that would have us come to that conclusion that No. 1, we are having or are in fact in a warming period and No. 2 what we have is unprecedented, which isn't true. ... To me it's pretty arrogant to think that man can do something to affect the climate. Weather is one thing, climate is another.
Uhm, call me sane and logical, but isn't it arrogant to think man can't do something to affect the climate. Hey, let's burn all the forests, use all the water and add a myriad of new gases to the atmosphere. Everything will be just fine!
Also, "Weather is one thing, climate is another." I guess that's technically true, but just like cows and hamburgers, they're closely related. I'm not a weatherman calling for record snow or anything, but weather is what helps make a climate. Just check out their definitions.
Weather: The state of the atmosphere at a place and time as regards heat, dryness, sunshine, wind, rain,
Climate: The weather conditions prevailing in an area in general or over a long period.
Anyway, if you want to watch Senator Senile talk about other topics, you can watch his entire interview with Brianna "Don't Call Me Daughter" Bailey. If so, I'd suggest you follow my lead and start drinking. Just don't get too drunk. You won't get anything done.
