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Derplahoman Lawmakers are mad about the Festivus Pole…

10:43 AM EST on December 18, 2015


Yesterday, we told you that some gay rights activist named Chaz from Florida was going to display a Festivus Pole at the Oklahoma Capitol. As a latex salesman, I had concerns:

A Gay Right’s Festivus Pole? Not that there’s anything wrong with that… I mean that’s fine if that’s who you are… I have many gay friends… but that’s not the reason for the Festivus season! Festivus should be about nothing. It’s not supposed to raise awareness for a cause, no matter how good and deserving that cause may be. It doesn’t matter if you’re rich or poor, white or brown, or gay or a bigoted Oklahoma lawmaker, Festivus is a holiday for everyone! As they say, it’s a Festivus for the rest of us!

Seriously, why's this guy turning Festivus into a divisive wedge issue? Seinfeld fans have worked so hard to get Festivus accepted as a mainstream holiday, and now this guy wants to make it about gay rights. That's not cool. Instead, why doesn't he just prance around the Capitol Rotunda in a bedazzled pirate shirt handing out gay coffee table books about gay coffee tables? That would be much more effective.

Not surprisingly, our "freedom" loving Oklahoma lawmakers are not pleased with the Festivus Pole display. Unfortunately, their displeasure has nothing to do with the War on Seinfeld. Check out their Derplahoman Jerk Store responses:

Rep. Lewis Moore of Arcadia thinks the Festivus Pole is sacrilegious and mocks Christianity:

“While a lot of us may have liked the Seinfeld series, this effort to mock the celebration of the birth of Jesus, our Lord and Savior, does not illustrate the best judgment of those who manage our state Capitol,” said state Rep. Lewis Moore, R-Arcadia. “To Christians, the rainbow is God’s promise not to destroy the earth again by flood, as found in Genesis 9:12-17. This sacrilegious symbol wrapped in the gay rights flag, is not respectful of God or the many visitors, including children, who arrive by the school bus load during this time of year to celebrate the peace and joy and remembrance of the sacrifice of Christ for our sins.”

Uhm, how exactly does taking a metal pole, wrapping it in red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo and violet ribbons and putting a disco ball on top mock Christianity? It's not like this guy is setting up a nativity scene where three thin, single and neat wisemen are giving baby Jesus a bunch of gold, incense and a Guys and Dolls CD.

Rep. David Brumbaugh thinks it's all about the "War" on Christmas:

“Just because something meets the legal criteria, doesn’t mean that it is wise to approve every request,” said state Rep. David Brumbaugh, R- Broken Arrow. “This is just another example of the continued war on Christmas. The people who approved this should have exercised better judgment.”

I always love it when an Oklahoma politician lectures us about wisdom. That's kind of like getting weight loss tips from Newman. Also don't you love his logic? Something that meets legal criteria like a Festivus Pole? Not wise. Something that's unconstitutional and doesn't meet legal criteria like a 10 Commandments Monument and / or any law passed by the Oklahoma legislature? Wise.

Rep. Bobby Cleveland, a guy who believes that an all-powerful omniscient being created every atom of this universe and then sent his son to Earth about 2,000 years ago to die for the moral failings of self-aware, moderately intelligent carbon-based lifeforms, thinks it's inconceivable that we could have a secular demonstration on the Capitol grounds:

“In the most holiest of season for Christianity and Judaism, it is almost inconceivable that we could have a secular demonstration on the Capitol grounds,” said Rep. Bobby Cleveland, R-Slaughterille. “While I certainly recognize and applaud the concept of free speech, this basically is a slap in the face of this most sacred season for the great majority of Oklahomans. After we have taken down the Ten Commandments monument from the Capitol grounds, I am certainly not endorsing the replacement with secular humanists to come and shove it in the face of Oklahomans.”

Yep, Bobby Cleveland applauds the concept of free speech... if it abides by his own religious-based moral code and is approved by the majority of Oklahoma voters.

Finally, here's what Islamophobic Rep. John Bennet of Sallisaw had to say:

“Americans are experiencing an increase in  hostility and intolerance toward our Christian beliefs,” said state Rep. John Bennett, R-Sallisaw. “If Christians put up something antithetical to Islam, atheism, etc., during one of their most holy days, we would be attacked by the other group and there would be a demand to stop. It seems that we are free to be a Christian as long as we don’t live out our faith, vote our faith, take a stand in relation to our faith or believe others should embrace our faith. I'm standing for my faith and Christianity. This gay pride symbol should not be allowed to stand. Oklahomans should be outraged and call on the gay symbol to be removed.”

Yep, it's the Christians who are dealing with an increase in hostility and intolerance. Thanks for that, man who wants to remove gay pride symbols and deport all Muslims.

Actually, Bennett brings up a good point. American Christians are experiencing increased hostility for their beliefs. If you need proof, just look at Oklahoma City downtown skyline at night. Right now, only two skyscrapers are lit up with gigantic Christians crosses. That's a shame. The Oklahoma legislature should pass a law requiring all of them to do it.

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