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OKCPS desperately searches for people desperate enough to teach in Oklahoma…

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Do you enjoy working long, stressful hours for shitty pay with little chance of a raise or promotion? Well, good news for you! Although your journalism degree is now worthless, you can still get a job as an Oklahoma City Public Schools teacher while you look for a better job.

The school district announced yesterday it is having a job fair later this month to round-up some unqualified teachers.


Oklahoma City Public Schools will hold a teacher job fair in mid-November, the school district announced Monday.

The district is holding the job fair from 4 to 7 p.m. Nov. 19 at John Marshall High School, 12201 N. Portland Ave., to try to fill more than 50 vacant positions. Along with certified teachers, Oklahoma City Public Schools will consider college graduates who are interested in earning an alternative certification.

Non-certified graduates will be given the opportunity to earn emergency certification through the school district.

Along with a competitive salary, Oklahoma City Public Schools offers benefits such as medical, dental and vision coverage, Oklahoma teacher's retirement and paid sick leave. A full list of benefits can be found on the district's website.

Heh. I know some salesmanship is part of the hiring process, but I'm pretty sure that's the first time "competitive salary" has ever been used in the same sentence as "Oklahoma City Public Schools." Seriously, who exactly is the school "competing" against? Taco Bell? Best Buy? The neighborhood babysitter?

It would probably be the babysitter. According to, $13.50 an hour is considered a fair wage for a babysitter. Entry levels teachers, on the other hand, make $31,600 a year. I'm not good a Craig Humphreys' new math, but that equals $15.19-per-hour, which is more than a fair wage considering teachers are nothing more than lazy liberal freeloaders taking advantage of a broken system that gives them holidays and summers off to count the dollars in their retirement fund and...

Wait. My bad. I once again thought I was ghostwriting a Janet Barresi editorial for the Oklahoma Council of Public Affairs. I hate it when that happens.

Anyway, Oklahoma City Public Schools also made this fancy graphic to promote the job fair:

OKCPS job fair

Know who else is ready for a new adventure? That would be the semi-colon awkwardly hanging out after "Please Bring an Updated Resume!" Also, did they really have to remind people to "Dress to Impress?" If you're not smart enough to wear professional clothes to a job fair, you're probably not smart enough to teach in Oklahoma.

Once again, I'm just kidding. Beggars cannot be choosers. Please go to this thing if you need a job. Do it for the children. Also, if you ever see an Oklahoma legislator out and about at the gun range, Western Sizzlin' or an anti-Islam rally, will you please tell them that Oklahoma's teachers need a raise? Our teachers should be paid like they're educators... not babysitters.

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