Here's a shocking new trend you need to know about.
We have learned via the Ogle Mole Network that TV news channels from across the country will slap a "trend" label on just about any weird, strange and extremely isolated news story in a lazy attempt to boost sweeps ratings.
And it's happening right here in Oklahoma.
Okay, that's technically not a "new" trend. It's an old one that's been around since Kevin Ogle first learned how to say "Tonight at 10," but I figured it would be fun to turn the tables on our TV news friends. Why are they the only ones who get to turn a strange, isolated story into a juicy trend to drive ratings?
For example, KFOR's big sweeps story this week was about the new "trend" of adults buying breast milk for personal use over the Internet. Yeah, that's now apparently a trend... because it was on the news.
Via KFOR:
New trend: More adults drinking breast milk
The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends infants drink exclusively breast milk for the first six months of life, and then as much milk as mommy makes, as long as baby is interested.
There is no medical recommendation for adults drinking breast milk. But, It’s happening!
Wow? Adults really are drinking breast milk?! Even though our friend Brent Skarky has been doing this for years, tell us more about this new trend!
Milk is rich in calcium, protein and vitamin D. It is one of nature’s great accomplishments; the way mothers feed their young.
Dairy cows provide for about 85 percent of the world’s milk drinkers.
But, the juice of the jersey has company in the milk market these days.
The demand for milk worldwide is growing, and so is the demand for various kinds of dairy: goat, camel, buffalo and human.
Apparently old Bessie just isn’t good enough for a growing number adults. Self-proclaimed fitness nuts are searching out human milk donors.
Okay, so you technically didn't tell us about the new trend, but you did give us a great synopsis of the Wikipedia entry for milk. Where's the gross stuff about sick adults drinking breast milk?
There’s quite a demand for breast milk online. Ebay has a policy against selling bodily fluids, but Craigslist is wide open. And now there is a new website making a name for itself in the breast milk market, onlythebreast.com.
It is a clearinghouse for modern day wet nurses.
Most of the business on the site, it seems, is mother to mother. Although the site does feature a special category for men seeking milk.
Wow, KFOR found a website where men can post ads seeking breastmilk. Apparently KFOR doesn't know about Craigslist, because that seems pretty tame compared to some other ads on that site.
Regardless, let's meet one of these totally normal, well-adjusted, not in anyway insane American males who drinks breast milk as part of this new trend:
A quick scan through some of the public ads include a number of men who are looking to pay to breastfeed, and one buyer advertising a “Lactation Vacation” all expenses paid. Indeed, one man is looking for wet nursing on demand “every four hours” for a week.
Onlythebreast.com does have policies in place against adult nursing and bizarre requests for women pumping their breast milk. However, despite the regulations that activity is still very prevalent online.
Okay, so you didn't actually talk to any adult male who has tried breast milk, but you did find a few anonymous weirdos who posted on a national website about their desire to drink or purchase breastmilk.
TREND! TREND! TREND!
Since everyone is doing it, KFOR had to find some man who preferably lives on a school bus and wears bear pelts to talk about drinking breast milk, right? That would be the sweeps story of the year!
NewsChannel 4 contacted the founders of the site. They refused our request for an interview.
Oklahoma City mother, Erin Page breastfed both of her children and was lucky to have some extra milk when it came time to wean.
Page did not even consider brokering a deal for that left-over dairy.
“To me the concern is that it could be really risky.” said Page. “I feel really fortunate that I was able to breastfeed both of my babies and had so much excess supply to bless other babies with as well.”
Oh, so you're producing a sweeps story about the new trend of adults consuming breast milk, and all you could find was a local mom to talk about how she would never sell her breastmilk on the internet? That doesn't really support your trend. If anything, it helps disprove it, but screw that, I'll play along. Tell us more.
According to a 2013 study by the American Academy of Pediatrics this cottage industry of human milk produces some sour results. Online buyers may not be getting the cream of the crop. In fact, researchers found 74 percent of internet milk samples were colonized with bacteria.
Those staggering statistics are part of the reason why Page brought her excess milk supply to the Oklahoma Mothers’ Milk Bank.
I'm not going to lie. I think the idea of mom's trading breast milk is kind of strange. It just seems weird. It would be like sharing a toothbrush or letting someone borrow your laptop without first clearing your internet history. It's yucky, but then again, so is having a living being grow and float inside your body for 9 months.
The milk that comes into the Oklahoma milk bank is donated from generous nursing moms across Oklahoma, divided into sterilized bottles and shipped to level three neonatal intensive care units around the state.
Oh, so the breast milk helps babies in intensive care. Disregard my mean jokes above.
Milk bank workers screen every donor. They test every batch and provide life-saving nutrition to critically ill babies.
“The health impact is tremendous.” said Executive Director, Becky Mannel, “The babies can go home from the hospital sooner. They’re going to grow faster.”
There are many ways to close the so-called milk gap, those cases when a desperate mommy cannot keep up with baby’s demand.
“Mother to mother milk sharing has happened for centuries.” Mannel said. “What has changed now is the internet and social media. Purchasing milk is a very scary, dicey issue.”
If your search for mother’s milk takes you to the world-wide web, watch out. What you might discover is a mother lode of questionable customers.
So to recap, KFOR produced a story about the online breastmilk exchanges, and adults who now buy breastmilk for personal use, but oddly enough, couldn't locate one actual adult who has tried breastmilk or sold or purchased it online... but who cares, it's a trend. I can't wait to tell my friends about it. Maybe it will even trickle down to teens. I doubt it will though. They're too busy with their own trends, like licking eyeballs, soaking tampons in vodka, and sexting on the new social media app.
Read More:
Stay in touch
Sign up for our free newsletter
