Oklahoma’s very own attempt at a rock festival, Rocklahoma, recently released its 2015 line-up.
Restraining orders be damned, I'm a big fan of this concert. I mean, where else can you take out a Twin Peaks girl (or two) for a wild weekend of tube-tops and Daisy Dukes, getting all liquored up on peppermint Schnappster, melting in the two-finger hammer-on heat of the day and smoldering beneath the stars at night singing "Pour Some Sugar On Me" under the covers?
While there are a few of the usual KATT suspects—Slayer, Tesla, Papa Roach, etc.—in this year’s roster, the real meat of the bill is in the all the never-weres and never-will-bes that make up the smaller print of the dossier. I'm talking the London's Dungeons, Well Hung Hearts and Lamp Shade Betties. They’re the ones that have something to prove to discriminating Rocklahoma audiences—those CD-Rs ain’t gonna sell themselves.
So here’s my 2015 TLO Rocklahoma Valentine’s Day Mixtape, featuring a few of these talented lesser-known groups pouring their hearts out all over the stage. Who knows, maybe it might even set the perfect mood so you’ll have the ill-advised courage to turn to the person you’re in slightly buzzed infatuation with and say those magical words, “You wanna go make a baby in Godsmack’s port-a-potty?”
1. Ruff Justice – “Trouble in Paradise”
“They needed to open their eyes to looooooooooooove!”
2. Ratchet Dolls – “Queen Foxxy (Sacrifice)”
“You’re my foxxy queen!”
3. Lamp Shade Betty – “Dream About You” (Live Acoustic)
“If you can hold on, I know we can be together!”
4. Aranda – “Love Hitchhiker”
“I wanna feel this love is real until we say goodbye…”
5. Loveblast – “In Your Arms Tonight”
“Baby, take me where you wanna go, whoa-oh-oh-whoa-oh-oh!”
6. We Are Harlot – “Dancing on Nails”
“I saw you comin’ from across the room, with that look in your eye…”
7. Nasty Habit – “Hip Shakin’ Fox”
“The way she moves it puts my heart in shock!”
8. Kingdragon – “Man of Yesterday”
9. Diamond Lane – “Hey Hell Yeah”
“Party ‘till we all get laid…”
10. Bai Bang – “Heart’s On Fire”
“Come a little closer now and taste my desire!”
Louis Fowler spends most of his time workin' on the sex farm, tryin' to raise some hard love. Follow him on Twitter at @LouisFowler.