When you're looking to make a joke about an Oklahoma legislator, mouth breather Ralph Shortey is always a an easy target. It's well deserved. The guy's been a State Senator for over four years now and so far his only accomplishments have been:
1. Embarrassing Oklahoma on the national stage by introducing legislation that would ban aborted fetuses from being sold in food products.
2. Bringing Dog the Bounty Hunter to the State Capitol.
3. Admitting that he once clubbed a turkey to death.
Seriously, that's it. Knowing that his resume is limited, I was surprised to learn yesterday that Shortey came up with some badass legislation that we can all get behind. He wants to raise the speed limit on Oklahoma Turnpikes to 80 MPH.
Well, at least he did until he chickened out like some loser in the slow lane
Via NewsOK.com:
A bill to allow drivers on Oklahoma turnpikes increase their speed to 80 mph has been withdrawn from consideration and may not be heard this year.
Oklahoma City Republican Sen. Ralph Shortey said Thursday that his bill to increase the maximum allowable speed on turnpikes from 75 to 80 mph needs to be rewritten and he may not have time to do so this session.
WTF? May not have time? You're a lawmaker, hence you're supposed to make laws. We're so sorry to interrupt your busy schedule serving as a low ranking member of the legislature's supermajority. Seriously, what else do you have going on? Are you too busy writing legislation that bans stem cells from being used in e-cig vapour? Have to go club some Canadian Geese for supper?
Here's more:
The bill had been scheduled for a hearing Thursday before being withdrawn.
Oklahoma Turnpike Authority spokesman Jack Damrill says the agency opposes the bill because the turnpikes aren’t designed for drivers to go that fast.
Shortey says he wants to rewrite the bill to allow the Turnpike Authority to raise the speed limit if it would be safe to do so.
HAHAHAHAHA. The turnpikes aren't designed for drivers to go 80 MPH?! Has anyone from the Turnpike Authority ever driven on the The Turner Turnpike? It's like the autobahn of the midwest. I once made the trip from OKC to Tulsa in 12 parsecs. If you're on the turnpike and set the cruise to 84, expect angry old ladies to flash their lights and flip you off as the speed by you in their Buicks.
That just cracks me up. Everyone drives fast on the turnpike. I think it's because we want to get our money's worth. But don't take my word for it. Look at what the 2010 Gubernatorial candidates said back in 2010 when we asked...
"What’s the fastest you’ve ever driven on the Turner Turnpike?"
These were the responses...
- Mary Fallin: I plead the Fifth
- Drew Edmondson: Four mph over the speed limit, unless the lights and sirens on my car were engaged.
- Jari Askins: Let’s just say I’m always on time and leave it at that 
So an Oklahoma Governor, Lt. Governor, and Attorney General all admit to speeding on the turnpike, yet we can't get the speed limit raised. The only thing our legislature is good at is passing stupid bills, but for some reason they can't pass the stupid ones that actually benefit us.
