Edmond High School students are good at passing drug tests…
2:28 PM EST on January 29, 2014
Because I grew up listening to Nancy Reagan, D.A.R.E. cops and PSA's like the one above, I was terrified of drugs by the time I arrived at PC West High School in 1993. Unlike every other kid at school, I didn't smoke marijuana, huff paint or (excluding the time my friend Isaac talked me into taking five Mini-Thins) pop pills. My drugs of choice were margarita wine coolers and Bud Ice. Yeah, I was pretty hardcore.
I bring this up because our friends at NewsOK.com ran a little story this week about a drug testing program recently implemented by Edmond Public Schools. Apparently, the district is now randomly drug testing all high school students who participate in extracurricular activities. The results from the program are kind of surprising / unbelievable.
Eight students have tested positive for drugs at Edmond's three high schools since a random drug testing program for students participating in extracurricular activities started a year ago.
Four of the students attend Memorial High School.
Three tested positive at North High School and one at Santa Fe High School, school district spokeswoman Susan Parks-Schlepp said.
Over a 10-month period, 750 students were tested at the district's three high schools. No testing is done in summer.
So, I just pulled up the iPhone calculator and divided 750 by 8. The result was 93.75, which means I still don't understand basic mathematics. I then divided 8 by 750 and got .0106667. I think that means only 1% of Edmond high school students failed their drug test. That's a totally believable number, because high school students are responsible and only half use drugs.
The article continues:
“The testing sessions have become routine at our high schools,” said Debbie Bendick, Edmond's executive director of secondary education. “Our OSSAA (Oklahoma Secondary School Activities Association) student participants, their parents and their teachers and coaches are all very familiar with the expectations and consequences of the policy.
“School administrators and athletic directors know their roles in the process as well, and they are vigilant in protecting the spirit of the policy, the safety of the students and the confidentiality of those tested.”
You know what, let's give credit where credit is due. We rag on Edmond quite a bit on this site, but the fact that Edmond High School students have figured out a way to cheat a drug test on this scale without being caught is very impressive. And not only did they cheat, but they somehow got the school administration to think it's real. That's genius. I take back all the bad things we've written about the town over the past few years. Kudos to you all.
Few other thoughts:
• If one of you can please email us how you did this, we'd appreciate it. Did you drink a lot of grape juice, or was it one of those saliva tests that requires you to chew a pack of Big Red? I'm asking for a friend. Confidentiality guaranteed.
• Wouldn't it be embarrassing to be one of the eight kids who were caught? They probably got too stoned and forgot about the testing date that the coach leaked to the team.