Kelsey Griswold is our new Miss Oklahoma

10:55 AM EDT on June 10, 2013

We have a new Miss Oklahoma!

Her name is Kelsey Griswold. She's from Tulsa, attends Oklahoma City University and competed in the pageant as Miss Bricktown. Yeah, Miss Bricktown. Her talent was finding free parking.

From The Tulsa World:

Kelsey Griswold, competing as Miss Bricktown, won the Miss Oklahoma title at Oral Roberts University's Mabee Center. Griswold, of Tulsa, is a theater major at Oklahoma City University.
Griswold won the rookie talent award and tied for the overall talent award Wednesday for her vocal performance of "Everybody Says Don't." She won the first preliminary swimsuit competition on Tuesday...
As part of her winnings, Griswold, 20, will receive a $16,000 scholarship and will compete at Miss America on Sept. 15.

She also wins a vacation to Wally World! Sorry, couldn't resist. I didn't even know Griswold was a real last name. Maybe next year we can be represented by a Spackler, Focker or McLovin.

Instead of bothering you with dated movie references, here are some photos that we found on Kelsey's probably soon to be made private Facebook page. This is crazy... This is crazy...

This must be the winning moment from the Miss Bricktown Pageant. Seconds after the photo was taken, the bitter girl in the cheap wedding dress pushed her off the stage.

Before she became Miss Bricktown, Kelsey was crowned Miss Mabel Bassett Correctional Center in 2012.

If they wanted to make pageants more popular, they would have girls model jeans, white shorts or yoga pants instead of evening gowns.

Those are the only "candid" photos I'm posting from Kelsey's Facebook Page. I would post more, but I honestly can't tell how old she is in any of the pics. Instead, let's post more pictures from the pageant that I found on the Miss Oklahoma Facebook Page. We'll start with the swimsuit portion:

I think the Miss Oklahoma Pageant should hire me to be a judge next year. I'm a D-list local celebrity, heterosexual and would not take any sort of bribe at all from any girl in a bikini. Plus, I have experience judging wet t-shirt contests. Sign me up.

Here are some pics from the evening gown, lake party and leprechaun wet dream segments:

Just to fuck with us, the Miss Oklahoma Pageant also posted a bunch of pics of contestants eating food that they would have to throw-up later:

Kentucky Fried Chicken

Daylight Donuts

And Mazzios Pizza

For a more accurate depiction of what a Mazzios customer looks like, please refer to this:

And then we have the CGI headshots of some of the other pageant contestants.

Listen, I'm sure all of the these girls are pretty in real life. Put them in a police line-up or Target or a bar on Classen Circle and they would surely stand out and get noticed. For some reason, though, they prefer for their pageant headshots to make them look like robots or wax figures. Seriously, the pics are just awful. I think they were taken at Glamour Shots of the Damned. They make me want to send a Terminator back in time to take out the guys who invented Photoshop: