I'd like to make fun of Tulsa Community College students, but it's hard to do so without coming across as a douche. Mostly because the kids I knew who went there are all normal, functioning, productive members of society who enjoyed Bud Light, casual sex, and midnight grilled cheeses just like the typical four-year college student...but also because I'm better than all of them.
Actually, I kind of like community college students. You're bound to run into a diverse cast of stock characters. You've got your semi-Autistic middle eastern pop culture enthusiast. Next, you'll meet a wealthy senior citizen who decides to get their education out of sheer boredom. There's always a single mom who's BFFs with Jesus, and a high school hero jock who unfortunately lost their scholarship at a division one college. There will certainly be a manic, unrelenting study freak, but keep her around incase you ever need Adderall. If you seen a wily Asian dude who happens to be a Spanish teacher/security guard and looks like they may or may not frequent Las Vegas with chubby bearded men, I highly recommend running the opposite direction. Lastly, you have your suave, tall, and sexy suspended lawyer who simultaneously works for E!. Wait...I think I might have just described the cast of Community. Okay, so that's really all I know about community college, other than the fact that some students bring alligators to school.
Yeah, that happened:
From KJRH:
TULSA - A Tulsa college student found with marijuana, prescription pills and a live alligator inside his campus-parked vehicle was arrested Wednesday.
Officers found Tulsa Community College student Shane Allen passed out and slumped over the steering wheel of his Jeep around 12:30 Wednesday afternoon at the school's south campus near 81st and US-169. Marijuana and three tablets of Xanax were also found next to the 21-year-old.
But it was what police discovered in the back seat that they were likely most concerned about -- a caged, bound, four and a half-foot alligator.
Tulsa police say Allen wasn't licensed to have exotic animals, and reportedly told authorities he borrowed the gator from a friend in Bristow.
School officials say the student was most likely planning to bring it for a presentation, but don't know for sure.
As for the alligator, it's currently in the hands of the state game warden until a proper place is designated for the animal.
"He'll be fine," said Carlos Gomez, Tulsa County state game warden, of the animal. "We'll get him in a safe holding place where he'll be comfortable for a few days and determine what's gonna be done with him and determine what will be done with the owners."
Gomez says Allen, who's facing drug charges, could also face citations ranging from a few hundred to a few thousand dollars for being in possession of the alligator.
Note 1: Don't pass out on a weekday afternoon in your car in broad daylight at a commuter school. While this practice was commonplace at OU, at a place like TCC you're liable to frighten Chevy Chase an elder leaving office hours for their statistics class on their way to Luby's to catch the early-bird special.
Note 2: If you're going to do something off-kilter at a quiet, South Tulsa college campus, stick to regular renegade activities like hot boxing, tagging the parking lot, or drunkenly kicking over garbage cans. Gigantic predatory swamp beasts draw too much attention, especially in suburban areas.
Note 3: If you do end up bringing a very large and scary animal to a small community college campus, don't also have drugs in your possession. It makes your reason for having said animal--no matter how awesome your excuse might be--just seem a bit more implausible.
Note 4: Before any of you really smart people point out that the photo at the top of the post is Crocodile Dundee and the animal in question is indeed an alligator, at least include four to five factual characteristics that separate the two species, all of which being discernible to the untrained, naked eye. As far as I'm concerned, March is a spring month, Home Alone is the greatest Christmas movie in existence, and crocodiles and alligators might as well be the same thing.
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Follow Chelsea on Twitter at @xCawoodstock
