Well, readers, it may be spring here in OKC, but winter is definitely coming. On March 31, my life will soon have meaning again. I’ve never been so glad about my parents paying for like 900 channels worth of nonsense as when HBO introduced the HBOGO app. With my mom’s password, I have access to a world of magic, intrigue, betrayal, and lots of boobs. If you haven’t caught on yet, readers, I’m talking about Game of Thrones.
Season 3 will begin at the end of this month, and we will all, once again, be enthralled by a fantasy world. Will Arya make it home? Will Theon Greyjoy quit being a jackwagon already? Will someone please beat the everloving hell out of Joffrey? Who knows! (If you’ve read the books and you spoil this for me, I will George R.R. Martin you so fast—that’s code for kill you off).
Anyway, in anticipation for Sunday's premier, Patrick and I decided to come up with a list of Oklahoman's we'd cast as some of our favorite Game of Thrones characters. Let's begin with the good guys, or at least who we think are the good guys, the lovable Starks:
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Catelyn Stark / The Pioneer Woman
Who better to be wife and mother of the Stark clan than the Pioneer Woman? She has experience cooking, cleaning, ranching and home schooling her children all by herself...and with a little help of an army of servants, tutors and ghostwriters. - Marisa
Does this mean the Marlboro Man will get his head chopped off? - Patrick
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Arya Stark / Young Emily Sutton
Emily is everyone's favorite and can put up a mean fight when need be. - Marisa
Dreams do come true! - Patrick
Sansa Stark / Abigail Ogle
This girl wants for nothing more than to be queen of the local media. - Marisa
Sansa is one of the most annoying characters in Game of Thrones and Abigail is one of the most annoying people to follow on Twitter. Makes perfect sense. - Patrick
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Bran Stark / Greyson Chance
Admit it. You've always kind of wanted to push Greyson Chance out of a window. - Patrick
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Jon Snow / Damon Lane
He is basically the bastard of local weatherman. - Marisa
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Theon Greyjoy / James Harden
We raised him only to see him betray us. - Marisa
Boooooooooo! - Patrick
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That's it for the Starks. Lets meet the Lannisters. The coolest and most likable bad guys ever.
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Cersei Lannister / Christina Fallin
Jaime Lannister / Price Fallin
They say Lannisters always pay their debts, and it’s no different with our Oklahoma Lannisters. They’re a rich bunch. Cersei and Jaime Lannister are a power couple, but also brother and sister. That’s why Christina Fallin and Price Fallin will be our incestuous duo. But don’t forget their heir. - Marisa
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King Joffrey Lannister / Ryan Tate
Though Christina may try to pass him off as a Baratheon, we all know our little Joffrey, as played by Ryan Tate, is full on Lannister. Seriously, who else in Oklahoma do people want to slap more than Ryan Tate? Like Joffrey, he was given his position by overindulgent parents that raised a real monster. - Marisa
Remember the scene in Season 2 where King Joffrey made that prostitute bludgeon the other prostitute to death? I can totally see Ryan Tate doing something like that. Of course, he'd pray with them first. - Patrick
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Tyrion Lannister / Patrick
For this role, we need a smart ass Tyrion-type. Enter our Patrick. He may not be an imp, but he sure is a smart ass. Also, he kind of digs the whorehouses and adult video arcades. - Marisa
One, Al Eschbach would be too easy. Two, it's my f*cking blog. If I want to be the cool midget, I get to be the cool midget. - Patrick
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Lord Tywin / Barry Switzer
He's old, immoral and kind of shady, but for some reason, we all kind of like him. - Patrick
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Here are some other random characters:
Daenerys Targaryen / Joleen Chaney
If you haven't seen the show, Daenerys has a lot of nude secenes in the first season. - Patrick
Daenerys is young and beautiful, but smart and capable. She knows what she must do to claim her throne, and she’s the mother of dragons. And who in Oklahoma City claimed her throne better than Joleen Chaney when she came to the morning broadcast a couple of weeks ago? But who is her Dothraki warrior king? No, not her real beau. How about someone who wields one serious sword? - Marisa
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Drago / Serge Ibaka
Yeah, I’m talking about Serge Ibaka. - Marisa
Oddly enough, Dothraki is one of the five languages that Serge can speak fluently. - Patrick
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Little Finger / Mayor Mick Cornett
I’m not saying that Mayor Mick Cornett has a bunch of brothels around the city. I am, however, saying that he would make a great Littlefinger. And after our own little Battle of Blackwater, Ryan Tate would name Cornett the Lord of our own Harrenhal—the unfinished buildings on the Chesapeake campus. -Marisa
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Varys / Regular Jim Traber
Everyone’s favorite eunuch! And who has less balls than a man scared off Twitter by a wife and some catfishing fake account than Regular Jim Traber? - Marisa
He wouldn't be able to show Mike Morgan his balls! On that note.- Patrick
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Wildlings / State Fair Goers
- My other nomination for this category was Citizens of Noble. - Marisa
- If the State Fair Goers are the wildlings, what would that make the state fair employees? -Patrick
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Scary White Walker Dude / Greg Zoobeck
Dude is probably a zombie. - Marisa
I wonder if the White Walkers will have a trim your bush contest? -Patrick
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On that note, we should probably finish this thing up. I can't wait for Season 3 to begin. Don't forget to set your DVRs or hack into your parents HBOGO app on Sunday night.
