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Maggie Stokes’ Twitter account will haunt your dreams.

8:00 AM EDT on March 18, 2013

Hello everyone, it's time again for Monday Morning Tweets!

If you are anything like me, your Twitter feed this week looked something like this:

Pope joke

South by Southwest Reference

Pope joke

South by Southwest Reference

Pope joke

South by Southwest Reference

Someone bitching about Skip Bayless

South by Southwest Reference

Pope joke

South by Southwest Reference

Yes, it was quite a week on Twitter. Everyone on earth is either apparently an expert on the papacy or in Austin having fun without us. Or both. Well, there were apparently a few tweets that didn't have to do with one of those topics, and I've put them in this post.

Find them after the jump.

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Whenever I happen to be in a conversation that somehow steers to the subject of Twitter, there will inevitably be one person who indignantly says that they are not on Twitter and they will never be on Twitter, and then they helpfully point out that they "don't care what you had for lunch today." For some reason, this is the go-to statement for anyone who isn't on Twitter. Nothing makes my eyes glaze over quicker. If someone thinks Twitter is about what people had for lunch, that is a surefire sign that they have no idea what they are talking about.

You know what does suck about Twitter, though? Following athletes. Is anyone at all entertained or informed by something like the above exchange between Russell Westbrook, James Harden and Kevin Love? Professional athletes are super awesome at being professional athletes, but they are pretty boring in real life. I can count on probably two hands the number that are worth spending any time following on Twitter.

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https://twitter.com/MaggieAStokes/status/312126520812515328

What the fuck!? I take it all back! Give me Russell Westbrook's inside jokes any day of the week over a month's worth of nightmares.

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https://twitter.com/rustysurette/status/312546020976381953

My top 3 hardest-to-wrap-my-head-around celebrity ages.

3. Seth Green is 37 years old
2. Jonathan Taylor Thomas is 31 years old
1. Jennifer Tilly is 54 years old

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Wait, so the Dan Gordon we've seen on Twitter is actually a guy that's been working all day!? I thought he just spent all day on his phone engaging with readers about completely random questions.

It's all worth it, though. Nothing gives Dan Gordon more pleasure than when you re-tweet him. Sooooooo inspiring!

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Like any Okie who has grown up watching weather radar on the local news, I pride myself on knowing all the little tiny towns and specks on the map. But I have to say Slick is one that I wasn't familiar with. I didn't even think it was a real town when I saw this tweet. But silly me, they've got both a wikipedia page and their own fire department. Boy, the egg is on my face...

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This week we searched for the words "Oklahoma" and "ugly" on Twitter. These people are all class:

oklahoma ugly

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Awkward Twitter Conversations With Linda Cavanaugh

Nothing like responding to a throwaway light-hearted line with a completely serious response to shut down an entire conversation, Linda! If this conversation had been in person, Mike Brooks would have just had to say "Oh" with a blank face and then stand around weirdly and silently before shuffling off back to work.

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Oh... God... Abigail Ogle Really Is Going To Run This Town Someday, Isn't She?

Yes, who among us hasn't had this problem! With just a little more seasoning, Abigail Ogle will have the seasoning and overall "Ogle-ness" to know how to handle this situation.

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The Dean Blevins Memorial Tweet(s) of the Week

A double-dose of Deano today, since I couldn't decide which tweet of these tweets to go with. In their own ways, they are both classic Deano.

What's better, readers? Absurdist Deano or Bizarre Choice of Language Deano?

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That's all for this week. Follow me on Twitter here. Good bye!

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