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Law and Order

Hard to believe, but this guy stabbed a bouncer in Tulsa…

As I predicted, every trendy area of Dallas was a drunken and debaucherous madhouse last weekend. I watched a UT fan headbutt a mechanical bull, a girl in a sequins crop-top throw up in the bathroom sink, and a rotund gentleman barrel down the very, very steep stairs of some bar. And that was before I got roofied! Not even going to church Sunday night or the gallons of Quiktrip fountain Gatorade I consumed could spare me the agony and repercussions of this three-day marathon. Let the 72-hour hangover begin, you guys.

Anyway, semi-idiotic and embarrassing things are often an accepted (and sometimes encouraged) part of the whole concept of partying. What sucks is when alcohol drives one to do things that are destructive on levels that extend beyond the realm of that night...or okay, a day or two after that, like stabbing a bouncer while leaving a bar. From the Tulsa World:

A bouncer at a Tulsa sports bar is expected to survive his injuries after he was stabbed three times during a fight early Monday.

The 30-year-old bouncer confronted two bar patrons as they attempted to leave the Harvard Sports Bar, 4775 S. Harvard Ave., with open beer containers around 1:50 a.m., police said.

The victim was stabbed three times in the back, but his injuries are not considered to be life threatening, Cpl. Jeff Little said.

Officers arrested Christopher Springwater Nott, 27, after the victim initially identified him as the assailant, Little said. The bouncer then changed his story and told police a man named Justin, who was at the bar with Nott, stabbed him.

Nott was apparently involved in the dispute and is being held on a complaint of public intoxication, Little said.

Anyone with information on the stabbing is asked to call Crime Stoppers at 918-596-COPS (2677).

I know that I've been taught better than to make snap judgments based on appearance, but a) Malcolm Gladwell told me it was okay, and b) you KNOW this Chris Nott character is up to no good. Upstanding citizens in this world just don't sport neck tattoos and look like they were an extra from No Country for Old Men. Nor do they go out in public with what appears to be either a bite mark or knife carving on their forehead. Whether he wielded the knife or his friend did, I think it's pretty safe to assume that this guy has probably participated in a sketchy, unlawful act or two in his life.

The other crazy thing is that this altercation occurred because the bouncer wouldn't let them leave the bar with bottles of beer. Um, the whole "open container" law in Oklahoma is not exactly obscure. Of course, if I had a dollar for every time a bouncer stopped me from leaving a place with a drink in my hand in Dallas, I'd have accrued enough money this weekend alone to purchase a month's worth of groceries. In fact, I'm pretty upset with myself for blowing the part of my paycheck that I usually reserve for food and household goods at the bar this weekend. (Miller Lites cost $6 in uptown Dallas, they must be very rare there.) I could really use some saltine crackers right about now. Or Pedialyte. Or, you know, a better grip on the reality of post-grad life.

Follow Chelsea on Twitter at @xCawoodstock

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