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Snappy Answers to Stupid Local Media Questions: OCU Shooting & Campus Lockdown Edition

11:44 AM EDT on September 24, 2012

When I was a kid, my favorite book series was Al Jaffee's "Snappy Answers to Stupid Questions." Those books, and other stuff in Mad magazine, helped shape me into the annoying, sarcastic, friendless asshole that I am today. Depending on your point of view, that's either a very good or very bad thing.

Anyway, I wish that hipster OCU student and her two friends (pictured above) were fans of Jaffee's work. If they were, they would have been more prepared to give a sarcastic answer to La'Tasha Given's ridiculously stupid question about the random shooting that took place near OCU yesterday afternoon, and the subsequent campus lockdown after the shooter fled and hid on campus.

That being, their reaction to the question was kind of funny. Here's a clip:

Okay. The puzzled pause and reaction by the hippy student in the middle was much funnier last night at 11:30pm, but still, what an idiotic question. Here it is again:

"Isn't you relieved to know that the shooting didn't happen here, and that the person just kind of fled here?"

Here are some better responses:

• No, I'm not relieved at all. I'd feel much better knowing that the shooting took place on my university campus, and was not just a random act of violence occurring a few blocks away.

• I don't want to speak for my friend next to me who is casually biting on her tongue and suffering from abdominal cramps, but yeah, I generally agree with that statement.

• Well, I woke up to get me a cold pop. And then I thought somebody was barbecuing. And I said 'Oh, Lord Jesus there's a shooting!' Then I ran out, I didn't grab no shoes or nothing Jesus, I ran for my life, and then the bullets got me, I got bronchitis! Aint nobody got time for that!!!

• I'm actually more relieved that you haven't asked to touch my blue knitted snood or feel the urge to talk about Mumford and Sons.

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