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General Jones threatened a 7-11 employee with a tree branch

6:58 AM EDT on September 13, 2012

Sometimes I like to post stories on this website just so I can write a fun headline. Thanks to Marvin "The General" Jones (pictured above), this is one of those stories. From a LeighAnne Manwarren report in The Oklahoman:

A man was arrested after he threatened a convenience store employee with a 4-foot tree branch, Oklahoma City police said.

Marvin Glenn Jones, 53, was arrested on an assault and battery complaint Tuesday at 7-Eleven, 1101 NW 10.

Police were called to the scene and encountered a man who called himself “General Jones” who verbally abused the officers, according to the police report.

The 7-Eleven employee told police Jones was banned from the store Tuesday after making death threats against the store's manager, but returned that evening.

The employee told Jones to leave and refused to serve him. Jones went outside and came back inside with a tree branch, according to the report.

The employee told police Jones raised the branch and approached him, saying, “Come here man, I'm going to use this on you.”

Police said Jones tried to light himself on fire while in the back of the patrol car and said, “A bomb is about to go off in this (obscenity).”

He was taken to Oklahoma County jail, where it took three to four detention officers to process him, police said.

Police took the tree branch as evidence.

Well, it's official. LeighAnne Manwarren has replaced Helen Ford-Wallace as my favorite reporter with the Oklahoman. She totally nailed that story. Sure, I know she was handed a gem to work with, but if Jenni Carlson wrote that thing it would have ended with a call for all the trees on 10th street to be chopped down.

My favorite part was how LeighAnne closed with the accurate, yet absurd line "Police took the tree branch as evidence." The last time that happened was when an Ent robbed a Stax Stax Stax in 1996. Like all the other good reporters who have worked for the Oklahoman, expect LeighAnne to move to a better job very soon.

Couple of other thoughts:

• Apparently the only thing that happens when you threaten to kill a 7-11 manager is that you get banned from visiting their store. They only call the cops when you walk in with a tree branch. Good to know.

• I know Counting Crows front man Adam Duritz is a big fan of Oklahoma City. Could he write a sequel to Mr. Jones called General Jones? You have to admit that "General Jones and me, we're gonna be big stars" has a nice ring to it.

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