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A Tulsa drug story that doesn’t involve meth

If your Labor Day break was anything like mine, it probably involved a large body of water, light beers, store bought-potato salad, and accidentally creeping on the dude from the Evangelicals. You know, typical Oklahoma stuff.

That is, of course, unless you're Myrna Montgomery (pictured above). She allegedly spent the weekend getting drunk, showering with friends, and giving kids "legal herbal stuff" to smoke. From News on 6:

A Sand Springs woman was arrested for contributing to the delinquency of minors after police say some teenagers overdosed while smoking herbal incense.

The teens were taken to a Tulsa hospital. Myrna Rose Montgomery, 29, is in Tulsa County Jail on a $4,750 bond.

Sand Springs police say they were called to a home in the 3700 block of South Stevens Avenue just before 10 p.m. Friday on a possible overdose. They found EMSA treating a male juvenile who appeared to be intoxicated and had trouble answering questions. Another juvenile male was in what appeared to be an "altered state of mind," walking down a hallway screaming.

There were also two juvenile females at the house.

The boy being treated by paramedics told police his mother's friend, Myrna Montgomery, gave him a substance that he smoked. He was in "an apparent altered state and kept saying over and over 'this is unreal' while appearing to be in a daze," the arresting officer said in his report.

One of the juvenile females, who police say smelled of alcohol, also admitted to smoking the substance allegedly provided by Montgomery.

Police say the parents of two of the juveniles were at the house but were in the shower together and said they did not know the youth were smoking with Montgomery.

After getting Montgomery's permission to search her purse, police say they found several zipper pouches containing substances promoted as synthetic marijuana. Montgomery told officers it was "the legal herbal stuff," according to the report.

The 29-year-old Sand Springs resident told officers she was smoking the herbal incense and did not initially realize that the teens were smoking it as well.

The mother told officers Montgomery was her sponsor in the Celebrate Recovery program. One of the male juveniles, age 14, has been in treatment for substance abuse, the report states.

Police also found numerous bottles of flavored Vodka and Schnapps left out in the home.

"All juveniles that had consumed the substance supplied by Montgomery were transported by EMSA" to a Tulsa hospital, according to the arrest report.

Montgomery was booked on four complaints of contributing to the delinquency of a minor, possession of drug paraphernalia and possession of a controlled substance.

I don't know a lot a lot about smoking incense, but I do know that it probably makes anyone attractive and probably gives you the munchies, because those are the only logic reasons why someone would want to shower with that grown up-Cabbage Patch kid. She looks like a female version of Varys from Game of Thrones, only with long hair.

Anyway, could any of you explain to me what this fake weed is? And who is in charge of naming all of these newfangled drugs nowadays? I don't feel like the phrase "synthetic marijuana," or even "bath salts" are the kind of words that Hideaway Pizza or Clark Matthews would ever organically string together. Is this "herbal incense" the same crap Demi Moore was smoking right before they shipped her back to the Betty Ford Center? Does this drug resemble Nag Champa or potpourri in any way, shape, or form? Wouldn't buying a Scentsy candle be slightly more economically sound?

Follow Chelsea on Twitter at @xCawoodstock

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