Angry birds are attacking Midwest City!

10:15 AM EDT on July 10, 2012

I lived in Midwest City for about three years during the early 2000s. Even though I had some fun when I lived there (early 20s, college days, pre-weight gain), it probably wasn't the best place to call home. This was because there was really nothing to do except workout at the gym, drink at a dive bar, or join a gang.

To make matters worse, when I lived there I always felt like I was going to be accidentally bombed by one of those low flying AWACS planes. Those things were so fucking loud. I'm pretty sure the pilots placed bets each morning to see who could fly closet to the ground without crashing. And they never stopped, too. They just flew around in circles all day with no clear purpose other than to drive people nuts and ruin telephone conversations.

Seriously, one of my best friends — we'll call him Josh Pettit — lived across the street from the Midwest City YMCA and only a couple miles away from my house near 15th and Air Depot. This is how our typical phone conversations usually went. Remember, this was before modern society conducted all communication via text messages, emails and Facebook status updates:

Me: "What's up. Want go to Bricktown 54? It's 21 to enter tonight."

Josh: "Hold on one sec, one of those planes is about to fly over."

ROARROARROAROWOAOAEOOOAROORAOROAWWWROAOrrroowweeerroooowwe rooo...roo... ro ..r..oww

Josh: "Okay, what did you say?"

Me: "Hold one. It's about to fly over my house now."

Anyway, now there's another nuisance circling the Midwest City sky. It's not an annoying jumbo jet with a pilot trying to spy on topless sunbathers. No, Midwest City is now being attacked by angry birds! From News 9:

Folks in one metro neighborhood say they look up out of fear every time they leave the house. The reason: some very aggressive birds.
For the past week, some neighbors in Midwest City have been attacked by the birds while driving down LaJean Street.
"Kids can't ride their bikes or anything because I'm afraid of the claws," Linda Dunham said.
The birds can be seen swooping down low and at times, even striking cars.
"I thought it was kid throwing a Frisbee but there wasn't anyone around," said Arnold Eastham, whose truck has been hit twice by the birds.
Several other neighbors claim their vehicles have been hit as well.
Wildlife experts have identified the birds as Mississippi Kites. They say they do get aggressive during their nesting season which occurs in July, but they also say it's extremely rare for the birds to be attacking cars.
Wildlife Officials say the birds will probably stop being aggressive in a couple more weeks.

Yeah, I'm sorry. I really thought this story was going to be more interesting. I figured one of the birds would split into three little birds or maybe there was a yellow one that could break through wood or something, but that's clearly not the case. We just have some pissed off birds from Mississippi attacking cars. They're probably racist or something.

p.s. - Watch the News 9 report on the story and fast forward to the 2-minute mark. Perfect.