There have been some pretty unusual/weird/creepy/sick news stories to come out of Oklahoma this year. They’ve have ranged from a lady in lingerie hanging out at the airport to ladies in lingerie not being able to play football in Oklahoma City to Brent Skarky falling off a camel, but some of the weirdest stories all had to do with some sort of crime.
Here are our Top 10 Oklahoma Crime Stories of 2010…
-
I love the very first sentence in The Oklahoman’s story about this guy. The reason I love it is because they didn’t have the time or space to mention that gold paint splattered across his face.
Oklahoma City police arrested a registered sex offender who is accused of threatening customers at a restaurant and trying to steal a soda truck while wearing shorts that exposed his buttocks and genitals.
Out of curiosity, I wonder if he spray painted his buttocks and genitals gold? I know that I would have. Hell, if you’re going to do something crazy, you might as well go all out.
-
9. Sean Sutton likes prescription drugs…
I was kind of surprised when I learned that Sean Sutton was addicted to prescription drugs. Although it still doesn’t explain why he looks like a rodent and talks like a parrot.
-
Here’s what I wrote back in March when this story broke. For fun, I didn’t even edit out one of my trademarked typos:
Anyway, instead of spending thousands of dollars on another silly Crystal Darkness documentary, our civic leaders should just put this guy in a cage and haul him around to every elementary schools across the state. Meth and drug use would drop overnight. Kids would also lose weight from throwing up their lunch. That makes it a “win win.
-
7. The one where a half nude lady with a mustache tries to steal a toothless man’s
No lie, here’s a Twitter DM we received last week:
Could you maybe put the Scroggins family video on YouTube? I'm trying to make a ringtone for my friend for Christmas.
I really want it to be Grma Scroggins saying "CALL THE LAW!" xD
I have a hard enough time putting KFOR videos on our site, much less YouTube. So if someone knows how to do that, please do it.
By the way, we need some to create a Jim Traber Soundboard that’s similar to this or this. The prank potential of one would be amazing. And just imagine what would happen when Soundboard Jim Traber calls Regular Jim Traber. It may destroy the universe or make Gideon cry.
-
This story has bondage, slavery and drunk juror. There's also probably some Type-O-Negative and Danzig playing somewhere. Basically everything you need for a bad “ripped from the headlines” Law and Order episode.
-
From the "Guy whose gift you don't want to get in the office Secret Santa party" category.
Police found marijuana last week in the pants pocket of a man with the number “666″ tattooed on his forehead. But it was what else they found in the pockets of 47-year-old Scott Brian Bradley that concerned them.
According to the police report, Bradley’s jacket pockets contained:
• Numerous pictures of young girls.
• Four pair of women’s panties
• Three used condoms and one unused condom.
• A 3-inch vibrator
• Women’s jewelry
• A camera memory card
• A shaving razor
• A small plastic wire loop
• A small children’s rubber toy lizard
Yeah, that's disturbing, but know what's really disturbing??? This story happened over a year ago and there hasn’t been one follow up by any local media outlet!? Call me crazy, but maybe someone should fill us in on what happened to the dude that walked around with women’s panties, vibrators and a small plastic wire loop in his pocket.
-
Call me crazy, but maybe it’s about time some local media outlet fills us in on what happened to the dude that looked like Darth Maul’s grandson and tried to kill someone with a mini-van.
-
3. Here’s the Fetish for Flatulence Police Report
Remember the guy who got turned-on by Dutch ovens? Yeah. Unfortunately, we do, too.
-
We actually didn’t write about this when it happened because we find it hard to make fun of people of who have sex with dogs. Sure, you can write something like “Every dog has its day, but this story is sad,” but even that lacks class. This reader sent us an email which came to a similar conclusion [sic]:
I don't know if you saw but there was an awful story this week about bestiality and sexual assault. Turns out this couple is straight, (well heterosexual) registered Republicans, and live in you guessed it Sally Kern's district…
Any Interest in running a "slippery slope", I.E. Gay marriage what's next sleeping with goats" hypocrisy piece? Just a thought, it seems to ripe to ignore, accept for the whole awful bestiality and apparently Kids were involved also.
Yeah, the “accept for the whole awful bestiality and apparently Kids were involved” angle. That does make it difficult to write about.
-
1. The guy who pretended he was autistic so babysitters would change his diaper…
It may be tough to make fun of people who have sex with animals, but it’s easy to make fun of people who pretend to be an autistic and have people change their diapers…especially when you have PhotoShop.
-
Anyway, I guess 2010 was an interesting year for odd crime stories, and I would guess (and hope) 2011 will be just as good. Let’s just hope that none of them involve me, Clark Matthews or Gary England.
