10 ways to make Mayor Mick the best mayor in the world
7:30 AM EST on December 10, 2010
This past Tuesday, the World Mayor Project named our fearless civic leader, Mayor Mick Cornett, the second best mayor in the universe"¦or at least the planet.
Described by one of his peers as a giant among American mayors, Mayor Cornett has turned the city, psychologically devastated by the terrorist bombing of April 1995, into one of the most vibrant and economically booming cities in the US. For his initiative on "˜This City is Going on a Diet' he received a number of accolades and awards, culminating in his invitation to the 2010 State of the Union. Oklahoma City's Metropolitan Area Projects (MAPS) has allowed financing of major urban capital projects in a fiscally conservative state. Thanks to good jobs and low living costs, Forbes magazine ranked Oklahoma City as America's most affordable of cities. Mick Cornett has signed up to the City Mayors' Code of Ethics.
That's cool and everything, but know who topped our Big League City pitchman and lingerie Football League antagonist? The mayor of Mexico City.
Marcelo Luis Ebrard CasaubÃ³n, Head of the Federal District Government of Mexico City, has been awarded the 2010 World Mayor Prize.
At first I thought it was kind of lame that Mayor Cornett got beat by the mayor of Mexico City, but then I remembered all the good things that come from Mexico. Things we take for granted like Mexican food, cheap manual labor and hot Latina chicks. So yeah, the mayor of Mexico's largest city probably deserved to win.
That being said, we at The Lost Ogle are not satisfied with Mayor Cornett being the second place finisher. Next year, we want him to be number one. Ten suggestions to help him accomplish this feat are after the jump.
1. Lose the toupee.
People like mayors who are honest, and let's be honest here, that's a hard thing to sell when you wear a hairpiece. Maybe if Mayor Cornett lost the toupee, people would more likely respect his opinion on where to place the new convention center. Plus, he would no longer have to wear a hat to White Water.
2. Help his son grow a strawberry farm.
Mayor Cornett has a bunch of kids. One plays guitar, one plays golf at Buffalo Wild Wings and the other one plays on his Iphone all day telling people what he had for breakfast and about his failed efforts at strawberry farming. If Mayor Cornett could teach the last one how to successfully grow a strawberry farm, it would create a new job creating industry on Oklahoma. Plus, Big League Berries has a nice ring to it.
3. Beat up Steve Hunt.
I am living proof as to how much getting into a bar fight can improve your street credentials, so Mayor Cornett should look at beating up Steve Hunt in a much publicized rumble. If he wins, it will totally redeem his 55% - 45% triumph over Steve in the last mayoral election.
Also, some possible fights that would be good for the undercard are:
- Kevin Durant vs. Russell Westbrook: Who really is the Thunder's MVP?
- Jim Traber vs. Jenni Carlson: Annoying Sports Talk host vs. Annoying Sports Writer
- Liz Dueweke vs. Joleen Chaney: This would be so we could simply sell tickets
4. Have a "Bill Simmons Day" in Oklahoma City.
In an odd way, Bill Simmons (The ESPN Sports Guy and one of the most influential writers on the planet) has become an ambassador for Oklahoma City Thunder. When the Thunder first moved here, he ripped our fair city at every chance, calling us Hi-Jack City, Zombie Sonics, and declaring to never mention our team by its real name. But it appears The Sports Guy had a change of heart. He openly roots for our team, proclaims a man crush on Durant, and occasionally calls us, gasp, the Oklahoma City Thunder.
In an odd way, Simmons' love for the Oklahoma City Thunder has improve our town's image. His influence has likely driven many people to be Thunder fans, and in the process, Oklahoma City fans.
Cornett could capitalize on this by declaring a Bill Simmons Day. He could invite Simmons to OKC, give him the key to the city, and let him set in Loud City during a Thunder game. Then Simmons will write about it on ESPN and everyone will be happy.
5. Purchase Valley Brooke. Rename it "Ogle."
This will make up for the Lingerie Football League debacle.
6. Have the Chamber of Commerce produce a "Dancing in the Streets" video.
The video above is the cheesy "Dancing in the Streets" promo commercial Channel 5 produced in the late 1980s. If you look closely, you'll notice Mayor Cornett appears for a moment in second commercial while creepily staring into a camera lens.
Couple of things:
1. We have heard there is another "Something's Happenin' on 5-Alive" commercial that features Mayor Mick actually dancing. We need this video, now.
1. Remaking this video would actually be kind of cool. Mayor Mick should use his connections at the Chamber and Ackerman-McQueen to make it happen.
Speaking of Ackerman-McQueen"¦
7. Get Marisa an internship at Ackerman-McQueen.
Well, gentle readers, there are a couple of things that you may not know about Marisa.
1. She is either a Muslim, Latino or Native American. Maybe a bit of all.
2. She aspires to be a copywriter
Since Marisa is a woman and some sort of minority, she would be a great copywriter for a company or ad agency looking to meet affirmative action standards. And since Mayor Cornett is a VP with Oklahoma City's largest ad agency, he could get Marisa a job. And since Marisa is a woman and some sort of minority, it would make Mayor Mick come across as a more caring, compassionate Mayor.
As a bonus, she's also been known to take off her top.
8. Organize a "This city's going on another diet. But this time, we're really going to do it. We're even getting a gym membership" weight loss campaign.
Come on, most people can't to stick with a diet or exercise plan for a month, much less three years. It's time to start a new weight loss campaign and "This city's going on another diet. But this time, we're really going to do it. We're even getting a gym membership" has a good ring to it. Plus, when we it's time for a third weight loss campaign, it can be called "Screw it. I'm going to try these pills."
9. Figure out the big deal about Chick-Fil -A
On Wednesday night, I was pumping gas at 63rd and May and noticed a bunch of weirdoes camping out in front of a soon to be opened Chick Fil-A. I guess they give 100 people in line free food for a year or something like that.
Okay, I get it. Their food is okay. I'll eat it on occasion, but seriously, who the hell would camp out in freezing temperatures so they can eat a greasy chicken sandwich for the next year? I wouldn't wait in line for 30 minutes for that deal. Also, Chick-Fil-A is not open on Sundays, so you don't really get free food for a year.
Anyway, not sure how that helps Mayor Mick move to number one, but I felt like sharing.
10. Give Southeast Oklahoma City to Mexico City
Number 10 was actually sent to us via email by a Lost Ogle reader:
"I'm not sure if you guys knew this or not, but Mayor Cornett was named the 2nd best mayor in the world. He lost to the Mayor of filthy Mexico City. I think Mayor Cornett should do all of Oklahoma City a mayor and give Southeast OKC to the people of Mexico City. It will make out city a better town." - Randy T., Moore, Oklahoma
I don't really agree with Randy, but giving the mayor of Mexico City something would be a nice gesture.
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