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Best of Bedlam Smack Talk

4:28 AM EST on November 26, 2010

When I was in college, I had no qualms fanning the flames of Bedlam.  Talking to anyone wearing red, I would unequivocally tell them how badly I imagined the Cowboys were going to mop the floor with OU. That probably had a lot to do with immaturity. It also might have been influenced by John Blake being the Sooner football coach.

Soon after I graduated, I was still pretty obnoxious. With Les Miles helming the team, he gave the players--as well as the fans--a swagger that made us feel it was the Sooners who were the underdog in the fight. He did things like not talk trash by not forfeiting the game before the mighty Sooners fielded the kickoff (the infamous "so we're told" press conference). He said things like "Let 'er rip" to sideline reporters. Most importantly, he beat OU.

Now that I'm in my 30's, and Mike Gundy only intimidates female sports reporters, my trash talk has dwindled significantly. I say things like, "we'll see if the team can take care of business," or "If the defense can get some pressure on Landry, we have a chance." Suck on that Sooners!

Anyway, my smack talking is done vicariously. But since the dawn of TheLostOgle, I have noticed my fellow Cowboys and their Sooner brethren are usually pretty lame. Every year it amounts to little more than OSU fans slurring the team name ("Gooners") and Sooner fans calling the location of Oklahoma State University "Stoolwater." Clever, right? In essence, the whole of the fan interaction leading up to Bedlam sounds like the minions at a Glenn Beck rally.

This year has been different, somehow. Fans are bringing their A-game when it comes to making fun of the opposition. Perhaps it is the increased importance of the game with the winner taking the Big 12 South title. Perhaps it is frustration from the OSU Athletic Department instituted a policy two years ago that makes it virtually impossible for Sooner fans to get a ticket without selling a kidney.  Perhaps it is...you know what, nevermind, it is definitely the stakes.

Anyway, here are the highlights of what I have seen on the internet this week.

BEDLAM WEEK OU INSULT TRANSLATOR

Always wondered what Sooner fans were really saying when they rattled off their pre-programmed anti-OSU rhetoric?  My good friends over at Cowboys Ride For Free took a stab at translating to fantastic results.  Of the translations, my favorite is:
SOONER FAN:  "You are not a rival."
TRANSLATION:  "I do not know what the word "rival" means.
XTRA NORMAL
 
This website has been around for a long time, but it became very popular in these parts after an enterprising Sooner fan used it to enact an imagined conversation between Bob Stoops and offensive coordinator Kevin Wilson at the end of the A&M game.  Since then, Xtranormal.com has become the place for passive-aggressive people to make fun of other people.  (Or in some cases, dramatically re-create awesomeness.)
In the lead up to the biggest Bedlam showdown in the history of the rivalry, the animated text-to-speech movies have been running rampant on YouTube.  Here are a few of my favorites:

Favorite Line:

OSU Fan:  "Brandon Weeden has the most powerful arm in the world.  He is better than Sam Bradford and Landry Jones combined.  He should have won the Heisman last year for the way he played at [sic] Colorado."

Favorite line:

OU FAN: "Who is David Boren? What position did he play?"

TWITTER

(edit.  These are pretty OSU heavy, but I think it accurately reflects Twitter.  Also, I realize some of them are recycled jokes, but what can you expect in under 140 characters?)

@TheMikeHarris The wait for Bedlam is excruciatingly slow when you're unemployed, meaning this week will take forever for me and most of the OU fanbase.

@LandThieves What's the difference between a #Poke fan and a raging cause of hemorrhoids? The hemorrhoids are less annoying. #Bedlam #OU #OSU

@grantstandridge If Iran fielded a football team and lined up against OU, I'd put on a Turban. #sorryimnotsorry #bedlam #beatou

@BradCarey: Why can't Bob Stoops eat his Wheaties before bedlam? Because he lost all his bowls! #gopokes #beatou

NEWSPAPER

I refuse to read the article commentary because it shocks me how many illiterate people read the paper--but I did see this article by Jake Trotter.  In it, Bob Stoops "laments" not offering Justin Blackmon a scholarship, with the implication being that he would have been a Sooner except for the Sooners not wanting him.

I may be reaching a little on that one.

SPORTS ANIMAL CALLERS

Actually, I have been avoiding The Sports Animal all week, but I'm sure the callers are on their best behavior.

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