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The Hobby Lobby Dream

6:00 AM EDT on September 8, 2010

It isn't a strange fantasy.  What guy hasn't been dragged into Hobby Lobby with his wife or girlfriend and stood stoically while she carefully weighed the merits of the pumpkin colored yarn versus the tangerine colored yarn?  It's like a rite of passage for any couple in Oklahoma.  So, the only way for a man to remain sane is to conjure crazy thoughts about torching the place to the ground.  Whether the dream is as simple as wishing it were Sunday--so the store would be boarded up like a home under zombie invasion--or involving the use of Christmas decoration marked down for Summer as weapons to maim everyone in the building, every guy has daydreamed of harming Hobby Lobby.

Late Monday night, someone actually went through with it.  Using a '97 Ford Explorer, someone smashed through the glass doors of the building.  The vehicle then sped away.  Several clues suggest it was a man.  For one, no one got out to fill the back of the SUV with tile mosaics and frames etched with "Live, Laugh, Love."  Also, because the SUV is more than ten years old, you can eliminate the possibility of the culprit being a housewife who lost control of her vehicle while texting her friends the score of Jaiden's soccer game...even though this did happen in Edmond.  Of course, there is always the outside possibility that it was a disgruntled female employee, but Hobby Lobby actually gave all of their low wage employees large raises at the peak of the recession.  That has to be worth some good will from their workers.

All of that considered, it was a man--a man angry about the spinectomy he received sniffing scented candles while his significant other stocked up on decoupage materials.  From there, the suspects can only be narrowed to the state's entire male population.

If you have information about who may have vandalized the Hobby Lobby on Danforth, call Edmond Police (625-8398) or leave the information in our comment section.

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