For those of you who are meth virgins, have never had sex in the back of a Camaro, or think that the Katt's Block Party weekend involves chatting with your neighbor Dennis, we should let you know that Rocklahoma is this weekend. Rocklahoma is the annual white trash music festival held in Pryor. Some of this year's bands includes such acts as Godsmack, Buckcherry, Saliva and a bunch of other bands they play for prisoners in Iraq.
With this trashy concert comes one of the state's trashiest beauty contests in Oklahoma. It's the Ms. Rocklahoma pageant, and on the scale of pageant prestige, it falls somewhere between Mr. Affair of the Heart and Ms. Black Nichols Hills.
One of our more popular posts last year was when we ranked the 2009 Ms. Rocklahoma pageant contestants. This is because:
A. Men like to look at girls on the internet, regardless of their beauty or socioeconomic status.
B. Women like to loathe girls on the internet, regardless of their beauty or socioeconomic status.
Anyway, since those two demographics make up 97% our readers, we are going to appease the masses. Check out our ranking of this year's finalists after the jump.
The best part about Brandee's profile is that right off the bat she mentions she's a laser tattoo removal specialist. Call me crazy, but if I wanted to get tattoos removed, I'd probably avoid the girl who has a tattoo of a yellow skull on her chest. That would be like going a blind optometrist or getting getting hair restoration surgery from a bald doctor.
Anyway, if this was Ms. Zombiehoma or Ms. ScareYouInADarkAlleyahoma, Brandee would probably be the winner. But it's not.
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First of all, this picture was taken with a really fancy camera lens, but this isn't a photography contest, so who cares? What I really like about this image is that Felicia doesn't look as constipated in this picture as she does the other ones on her profile. Plus she appears to be posing in the standard home or shelter of your typical Rocklahoma attendee. Give the girl credit for knowing her target audience.
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I will bet you my copy of The Alchemist that Sasha took this picture in the little pond at her apartment complex. That is of course, unless you are the person whose elbow and knee are visible in the left side of this professionally-done photo. Seriously, did she take this from her MySpace page? Probably.
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I don't know about you, but those shoes make Maryann look pretty skanky. I mean, just looks at those things! They definitely dropped her out of the top spot.
Seriously though, where the hell do you buy shorts like that? At last check, there are not too many fashion designers turning mom jeans into the daisiest of Daisy Dukes.
Also, it should be noted that Maryann is from Arkansas. This helps prove my friend's theory that girls from Arkansas are easy. They make girls who hang out at Baker Street seem semi-prude.
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Uhm...is the sexiest bathtub they could find? Did they really buy Colt 45 for this photo shoot? And who places a bathtub next to vinyl siding?
Those questions aside, Lollie looks hot enough, drunk enough and skanky enough to show her breasts several times at Rocklahoma. This gives her a big edge in this year pageant.
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So anyway, that's our Top 5. Don't forget to go to Rocklahoma.com to cast your vote. While your there, turn up your speakers really loud and grow a mullet. It will make you feel warm and fuzzy.
