Page 3: Why Your City Sucks: Moore

The enchanted town of Moore has been requested by a handful of people. Why? I suppose some wanted to let off some steam about it (though I only got a handful of responses). But as a current resident of Norman, I've traveled through the land of Toby Keith many times. And if we could vote a city Most Improved in Oklahoma, I think I might go with Moore.

Over the last few years, it's come a long, long way. It used to be strictly known for tornado damage, disappointing high school sports and the thing that separated Oklahoma City and Norman. Now? It's pretty solid. The Warren Theater is the best place to see a movie in the state. And that whole area around it got developed in about six hours it seemed. There's even a Chick-Fil-A there and when you have one of those in your town, it immediately gets a gold star. If Union City tossed up a Chick-Fil-A, I'd kindly doff my cap and salute it for being one of the top towns in the state. I'm easily won over. Especially when delicious chicken is involved.

But regardless of that, I've got my qualms with Moore. So join me on the other side for a few issues, along with a couple short readers comments.

Verbeck? Did you know that the original name of Moore was "Verbeck". Seriously. Or at least that's what Wikipedia tells me. So how did Moore get the lame name of "Moore"? Why in a super lame way, of course! "A railroad employee named Al Moore, reported to be either a conductor or a brakeman, lived in a boxcar at the camp and had difficulty receiving his mail. He painted his name - "Moore" - on a board and nailed it on the boxcar. When a postmaster was appointed, he continued to call the settlement Moore. When the town incorporated in 1893 the name was legalized." Awesome. Very soon Norman will be renamed "Royce". I have a 1968 Volkswagen van positioned at the corner of Berry and Lindsey with that painted on it. And it also says "Free Candy For Eight-Year-Old Boys" on it, but it said that on there when I bought it. I swear.

Diff'rent Death. Former "star" of the show Diff'rent Strokes, Dana Plato, died of a drug overdose in Moore on May 8, 1999. She also starred in some softcore porn, according to her bio. There is a joke in here somewhere, but I just haven't found it.

Speaking of porn! Adult film "actress" Jesse Jane graduated from Moore High School. I'd say that's a pretty good reason why Moore sucks. Hahaha! Zing! High five?

How do you like me naaaaa? Yep, Toby Keith proudly calls Moore home. He's on the watertower and everything. But in his defense, he never did grow his hair over his eyes, wear mascara and rename himself like that dude from Yukon. Plus he's got a sweet curly mullet and likes OU. That counts for something.

Smells like poo. It's simple: There's a stretch on I-35 right around Hillsdale Baptist College where it smells like a port-a-potty. And it's not like it's a strong sense of poo really, it's more like poo that's trying to be masked by some sort of cleaning agent. It's fairly pungent. It's only at certain times of the day, but when you're driving, it'll hit you in the face. I have no idea why either. Is there some sort of toilet cleaning supply manufacturer there? Does Hillsdale just smell? Or could it just be Moore, the town in general, stinking the place up? I need these answers.

Now to three quick reader suggestions:

Kevin: "The only thing Moore is good for is being a buffer between the horrors of South OKC and the greatness that is Norman. Thanks for that, Moore."

Cacey: "I'm sure there are 'moore' reasons Moore is lame, but these two come to mind: 1. Toby Keith 2. It smells like butt by I-35."

Carl Owen: "Moore used to be a small town. Now it's sort of the Gary, Indiana to Edmond's Beverly Hills to the OKC metro area. The biggest debate so far at the city council meetings is whether to call ourselves Moorites or Morons. The Moorewinians is still in a distant third place. Carl Owen, Proud Moore resident since 1986."

As brought up by someone else that mailed in, what are Moore people called? Mooreites? Moorewegians? Or Moore-ons? Since Toby Keith is from there, I think the latter might make the most sense.

Next up: I don't know. Suggest something I guess.