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Page 3: Why Your City Sucks: Weatherford

8:23 AM EST on February 25, 2010

(Oklahoma is a wonderful, incredible state filled with charming small towns and awesome big cities. I love this state in every way possible. But even still, there are some features of specific places that are the opposite of awesome. Hopefully, this is where we can detail some of those issues.)

I spent nine months in Weatherford five years ago. For some reason, I thought it would be good to spend my freshman year of college there. My best friend was going there, I didn't really have any friends going to OU and at the time, nothing was more terrifying to me than having to live in a room with a stranger for nine months. So I chose to go to a dirty place instead of the nice shiny one. I'm not saying I regretted it, because I had a decent enough time in Weatherford, but well, if you've ever been to Weatherford, you know it just doesn't exactly sit well.

Five things I took from Weatherford in my short time there:

Jerry's. My friend Andy and I decided this was going to be Our Place. We were going to go there every Sunday night, get this GIANT meal called The Hungry Traveler, chat up on the week's current events, have the waitresses call us by name and say things like, "Hey sugah, the usual?" This was our plan. The problem was that after week two of going to Jerry's, we decided our heart valves likely could not take 34 more weeks of that.

Cats. A reader covers this same topic a little lower, but for whatever reason, cats run amok in Weatherford. It's like the stray cat capital of the world. I have no idea where they came from, where they are going or what anyone will ever do about it. But if you're a mouse and you're looking for somewhere to put down roots, I'd suggest avoiding Weatherford.

Southwestern. It's the hub of Weatherford and a large reason anyone under the age of 50 would ever venture out this direction. The school itself is fine. Decent academics, nice people, okay campus and if you're a pharmacy student, it's evidently the place to be. But when you go to Southwestern, you have to live in Weatherford. You have to find an apartment or house there, buy food at the grocery store, eat dinner at K-Bob's and go dancing/get into fights at JC Cowboys. It's really all there is to do. If you want to see a new movie, you've got to drive an hour to OKC to see one. Nobody stays for the weekend and if you do, it means you're likely into drugs, have no friends back home or plan on being drunk for 48 consecutive hours.

Thomas Stafford is evidently a god among men. Everything is named after him around that town. Strips of highway. Side roads. Buildings on SWOSU's campus. I named every cat I saw "Thomas Stafford" just to try and keep with the theme. Who is Thomas Stafford you ask? An astronaut born in Weatherford. He took part in the Apollo project, going to the moon on Apollo 10. I guess that's cool. But is it cause to name every landmark, road, cat and building after him? I think not.

Windmills. When they put them in, it was like the biggest thing ever. People thought these energy windmills were going to alter history as we knew it. Every newspaper story for three months was focused on the windmills. My favorite thing about the windmills is a story courtesy of my friend Andy. He was dating a girl while in school in Weatherford and he thought things were going well. He was also playing football for the Bulldogs and had a teammate he called "Nece" that he absolutely HATED. Just loathed the guy. Well, this girl he was dating told Andy that she thought it would be wild to have sex under one of the windmills. Andy found this strange and wasn't into it. Fast-forward a week and Andy is listening to Nece tell a story. Andy catches the back end of it and just hears, "Yeah, and so this chick takes me out to where the windmills are and we have sex under one!" I like that story.

Let's go to a couple reader comments. Everything [sic'd].

Ryan sends this in: "The number one reason Weatherford sucks is the Intersection of Main and Washington and I-40 and Main, yes that is one intersection. I have also attached an image of said intersection just so you can see. I am honestly surprised there are not more accidents here. It doesn't help the problem any that Walmart is now on the other side of the intersection, and Walgreens and McDonalds are also in this intersection. So you have to deal with the blue hairs going to get their pills, or the overweight hungry people going to the golden arches."

Dustin: "After living in the city of Weatherford and attending it's University I must say I have far fewer complaints about it than I expected my freshman year. However thats not to say that I am without complaints entirely. Here I have taken time to list the ones that immediately come to mind in order from least annoying to the most outrageous. I hope you enjoy it.

1. Weatherford is controlled by large, roving gangs of feral cats. The city is ferociously filled with felines! The township is under the terrible tyranny of tabbies! Basically I'm just trying to say there's a lot of cats... No big deal. Although I think you could create jobs in these tough economic times by hiring cat snipers to be positioned all over town, just a thought. That probably would be frowned upon by some organization or another.

2. This town has serious drainage issues. A five minute drizzle turns the streets into canals and will leave standing water for days. Luckily this washes away some of the weaker cats, but by Darwin's principles this only makes the survivors that much more dangerous. In all reality the drainage problems don't really hinder anyone to that great an extent, they're just slightly irritating.

3. SWOSU is definitely a suitcase college. On the weekends this place turns into a ghost town and the poor souls who do remain seem to occupy the majority of their time revving their various muffler-less vehicles. Even on the weekdays there isn't a large abundance of activities to take place in. To quote a friend of mine, "Nobody does anything in this town but drink or study, I gotta get out of here."

4. The local Methodist church (situated next door to my humble abode) has for some reason picked this week to start ringing its bells in tunes at different times during the day. They usually begin around 8 am and will persist randomly throughout the day. Being a lazy, stinking college student this takes a large chunk out of my nightly rest. It even interrupts nap time! I think if I knew the purpose of their confounded racket I wouldn't mind it so much. Alas, I remain ignorant to their mysterious ways.

5. The first week I moved here I received a letter form the city explaining that the water contains a higher than acceptable amounts of arsenic. So thats always good..

6. Finally, the ten percent sales tax is downright silly, its so bad that the thrift store offers financing (probably). You would think the city could afford the aforementioned snipers.. No?"

Next up: Yukon. Have something to say about it? Email me at dailythunder@gmail.com.

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