Page 3: Surviving the Loss of Power
1:31 PM EST on January 28, 2010
If you're reading this, that means you're one of the lucky ones. You still have power. Hopefully you're kicked back and watching News 9 playing the most excellent Severe Weather drinking game. Fifteen minutes in and I'm already wasted. STOP TALKING ABOUT BURNS FLAT GARY.
But I'm not sure anything is more excruciating than losing your electricity. It happened to me in 2007 when Norman was transformed into Antarctica for a week. My house didn't have power for six consecutive days. I actually remember sitting on my couch watching Jurassic Park laughing about how I had power while others didn't. And my lights zapped off literally that second. Life is cruel.
That's the thing. It can happen at any second. You could be reading this and I might lose power and not be able to fini
Lame joke? Lame joke. But anyway, it's true. At any moment, you could go dark. It's just about the most sickening feeling. First, there's shock. My power's off? What the heck! Next, there's bargaining. If my electricity comes back on, I promise I will use it for good and not evil. Finally, there's panic. The whole world is dark. Is this what the apocalypse would be like? Could something important be happening that I don't know about? HOW WILL I KNOW ABOUT CURRENT EVENTS? Is someone in my house? The streets are so quiet... someone is going to kill me if I go outside. Rioting will probably start any second now.
From personal experience, losing power plain sucks. And with another Ice Destruction coming in AS WE SPEAK, you could be next. You just have to hope that OG&E deems you important enough to turn back on sooner than later. Evidently I was in the poor district or something in Norman went I went 144+ hours without lights. Sitting in the dark at 6 p.m. while you try and read a magazine via candlelight is not fun. Not. Fun. Especially on Day 3.
So what if you do lose power later today? Don't think it won't happen to you. Gary England bought a generator. That should tell you something. So what on earth will you do to pass the time if you go dark? I have 10 suggestions:
10. Number ten... number ten... hmm.... What the crap is there to do if you don't have any power? Read a book? Screw that. If you lose your electricity, just grab a blanket and sit in the dark staring blankly at the TV imagining what's going on in Grey's Anatomy tonight. I'm sure it's awesome. And you're totally missing out.
9. Go to the grocery store and buy every battery in the place. People act like batteries and canned goods are the gold of a severe weather crisis. So if you go clean out the place, you could bank on re-distributing some double-A's. Also, when people are stocking up on stuff at the grocery store during bad weather, there is so much tension in the joint that someone might punch you. If you bump carts with someone else, it almost escalates into a fistfight on the spot. So maybe this isn't a great idea.
8. Walk outside for 15 minutes hoping that when you come back in, your power is on. This is what I did in 2007 when Norman was iced over. You go out, pick up some limbs, look around a bit and come back in hoping for light. Because IT COULD COME ON AT ANY TIME.
7. Call your neighbors every 12 minutes asking them if they're power is back on. I love when this happens. If your power is off, theirs probably is too. And if by chance their power is on, what do you want them to do, invite you over? (But another plan of action is to call friends in Edmond [you know they're getting their power back quickly] or some other place and try and go over for a few... days.)
6. Talk about how spoiled we are as a culture for being so reliant on electricity. But be sure to make multiple comments about how 100 years ago, people lived without power all the time. This way, everyone will confirm what an insufferable douche bag you really are.
5. Drive around. I don't know why, but people see this as a solution to power loss. Drive your car around and look at stuff. OOOH LOOGIT, ARBY'S! Plus, when you get back, your power may be back on!
4. Stake out a good spot and watch cars hopefully slide into each other.
3. Think about what you would be doing if you had power right now. Don't act like it would be anything great. You'd be checking Facebook and watching King of Queens. You know it, I know it.
2. Go to the one place that for some reason still has power. In 2007, McDonald's on Lindsey inexplicably kept its electricity basically throughout the whole ordeal. And it basically turned into the Superdome post-Katrina. People were spending hours there eating snack wraps and parfaits. It was insane.
1. Take a nap. Put on a sweatshirt and just go to sleep. When you wake up, hopefully the whole thing will be over. And if it's not, well, go drive around or something and maybe it'll be back on then. I don't know what to tell you. Having no power absolutely sucks. What a spoiled culture we live in. Think back 100 years...
(Also, next week in Why Your City Sucks, we'll be doing Enid. So if you've lived in Enid, been to Enid or once thought about going to Enid but chose not to because you heard it had sucky qualities, shoot me an email - firstname.lastname@example.org - detailing the reasons you think it sucks.)