As you probably know by now, Men's Health recently placed Oklahoma City and Tulsa on its national list of "Cities that Need Viagra." Officially, Oklahoma City came in at Number 6, while our neighbor 100-miles up the turnpike came in at the Number 1. Geeze, no wonder some of the Irritated Tulsan's posts seem so bitter. Here's the official Top 10:
1. Tulsa
2. Lubbock, Texas
3. Charleston, W.Va.
4. Arlington, Texas
5. Fort Worth
6. Oklahoma City
7. Anchorage, Alaska
8. Bakersfield, Calif.
9. Modesto, Calif.
10. Omaha, Neb.
Seriously, I'm not sure what to make of this news. According to Clark Matthews, Viagra is one of the greatest inventions of the 20th century, so it's probably not a bad thing that men in our state's two largest cities really need it. Plus, I get a bunch of emails from people who claim to sell it for 50% off without a prescription. Who knows, maybe I could buy it for cheap and then sell it on the street?
That being said, living in a city in need of Viagra probably isn't a good thing. From what I've heard, the only people who use Viagra are political bloggers, men who suffer from erectile dysfunction, and the old swingers who hang out at Friends on N. Memorial. Who would want to associate themselves with any of those things?
Also, isn't there a bit of concern that Mayor Cornett is going to try to get Oklahoma City some positive publicity out of this and create ThisCityIsGettingAnErection.com? Actually, that would be pretty damn cool! We could have Cardboard Cornett cutouts at Christie's Toy Box and maybe even get the Mayor to make a guest appearance on Talk Sex with Sue Johanson. As part of the program, Oklahoma City and Tulsa could even make a friendly wager to see which city can get the most erections in 100 days. The prize would be that the winning city gets to borrow the other towns Fox news anchors for a week.
In all honesty, I think that would be a good idea. I also think that Oklahoma City would win it easily. All we'd have to do is get Jaime Ceretta to send a tweet or two to Bob Barry Jr. or have someone leak a story to Steve Lackmeyer that another new skyscraper is being built downtown. For good measure, we could also have Lamar put pictures of Honeybee Talor and her friends on all its digital billboards. That would seal the deal for sure.
